Idiots, Unite

  Do you ever have those days where you feel like a total idiot? You've built something up so much in your mind and all of a sudden everything comes crashing down. It seemed like everything would go according to plan, but it didn't. You thought things were one way, but it turns out they were another way all along.
    Isn't it funny how one sentence, a few words strung together can change your whole day? Things were fine. Things were going along pretty well, actually, but one bonehead sentence, one idiotic thing, can make everything different. Your mood can change. Your concentration breaks. You feel like everything is suddenly upside down, and everyone is going along like normal, but you've got a huge rock weighing down in your stomach.
    Every time you recall what was said or what was done, you cringe and shake your head. How could something like that have happened? Shouldn't I be smarter than that? Should I apologize? What would I say? This happens tome on a daily basis. I constantly say something I shouldn't have said. And I always remember it later and wonder why in hell I would have said or done something like that. It's ridiculous.
    But regrets are a waste of time. We have to move forward. And maybe try not to say something quite as stupid the next day. We may fail, we'll probably fail in all likelihood, but 4 hours ago isn't now, and we can't dwell on something that isn't now. No matter how much it hurts, or how stupid it made us feel. There's always going to be someone better than you, smarter than you, faster than you, and more articulate than you, so you may as well get used to the fact that, from time to time, you will make an ass of yourself.
    The best we can do is hope that it happens around people who understand us and who appreciate us, whether we say stupid shit or not. That way, at least they know we probably didn't mean it how it came out, or they know shit happens. People who don't know you somehow always think that shit doesn't just happen. They think everything always goes according to plan, and everything said or done is intentional, but when they're with people they know, they understand that unexpected, unplanned, ridiculous, not-thought-out, stupid stuff comes out of people's mouths. Sometimes it's hurtful; sometimes it's ignorant; sometimes it's out of line, but whatever it is, it should be taken with a grain of salt. We're human. We make mistakes. Sometimes, we make really horrible mistakes. But that doesn't mean we should be treated differently. I've said it before, I'll say it again. Shit happens, and we should accept that as a fact of life, and wait for someone to prove us wrong in the meantime.

Feeling stupid sucks, but it's slightly comforting that everyone else feels stupid sometimes, too.

Sappy Love Stories

  I watched an old movie last night. So old it was in black and white (gasp!). Some Like It Hot with Marilyn Monroe, Tony Curtis, and Jack Lemmon. I loved it. (Confession time: First time I've seen this one. Go ahead, gasp again.) Marilyn Monroe is more beautiful than ever, endearing, adorable, and of course, blond. Her character is similar to the one she played in Gentlemen Prefer Blondes. And the storyline is not an original one--girl falls for the guy who's exactly the type of guy she's trying to stay away from. The only twist is that the guy--Tony Curtis, along with his friend in the film, Jack Lemmon--is a male musician dressed as a woman to escape the mob. Of course, Marilyn doesn't know this through the majority of the movie. But even though he tells her he's everything she's hates, she's already fallen for him.
    I enjoy comedies, and sometimes the old comedies are even better. They've got a wit that most new movies can't match. It's like getting back to real people and remembering what real humor is all about. But this movie isn't just a comedy. It's a romance. Marilyn Monroe, even as a tipsy gold-digger type character, can't help but be funny, sweet, and sexy so that you love her even though her morality may be lacking. And even though Tony Curtis is not a very Nice Guy, love conquers all, as it always does in the movies. Especially the old movies.
    I think one of the best parts in the movies is the scene where Marilyn sings "I want to be loved by you". She's got on this dress, this unbelievably see-through, low-cut, wouldn't-think-you-could-get-away-with-it-in-1959 dress, and she's got her whispery, sultry voice singing the words to this (hopelessly) romantic tune.      Watching old movies always turns me into a sap. But I think there's a reason we still love them even if they seem just as wildly unrealistic as a sci-fi movie or an action movie where everything blows up for no apparent reason--people like to be saps every now and again. It makes the world seem like not such an awful place anymore. And after a long day, or a long week, a cold beer just won't cut it. We need hope to restore our faith in humanity, in people, and in the ability of the human heart to love, despite all the crazy circumstances.

Goodnight, honey.

A (Lady) Bug's Life

  Standing in line at Qdoba for lunch, the four of us (my coworkers and I) noticed a ladybug crawling along the cracks in the tile, moving with the line. Apparently, it was a "fake" ladybug, something I didn't even know existed. Apparently, it was a ladybug imposter that looks just like a ladybug only darker. They eat the fruit or the vegetable, while true ladybugs eat the other bugs (aphids) that eat the fruit or vegetable. It occurred to me how evolutionarily advantageous this was. (I actually articulated this, and didn't stumble over the word "evolutionarily".) We watched for a painstaking, horrifying 5 minutes as the ladybug imposter inched closer and closer to the front of the line.
    There was a man at the counter who was shifting his weight and moving his feet around. We avoided the little bugger, but as the bug got closer to the counter (and past his place in line, I might add), it became alarmingly clear that he was probably going to get stepped on, and what's more, it would be the weight-shifting yakker ahead of us who would unknowingly do the deed. And sure enough, ladybug imposter gets closer, closer, and then, weight-shifter shifts again and... SMUSH.
    We had a brief psychological/philosophical discussion about the bug still being alive after getting stepped on, the size of its brain, and whether it was able to feel pain. My inclination was no. The bug may not have died on impact, but what little brains it has surely can't register pain anymore, I thought. Its head is probably the most vulnerable part, and would have probably been crushed more than its back when stepped on. Any life left in it would be reflexes, not neurological commands. I didn't want to get into it, and as we were at the place in line where we could order finally, I didn't have to.
    But, how did the little ladybug imposter get inside the Qdoba? Did he walk, as we saw him doing? Did he fly through the door as it opened? Or did he land on some unsuspecting burrito lover who carried him in? How did he reach his eventual demise? We'll never know, but that's why there are people like me. To imagine a plot in which a ladybug imposter finds himself on the floor at Qdoba.

Ladybug imposter? Bah, humbug.

Are Nice People Too Nice?

  Nice people make excellent doormats. Nice people let mean people get away with stuff they shouldn't. Nice people are too nice to trample other people's toes, or call you out on a mistake in front of other people, if they do it at all. I think the majority of people fall somewhere in between the truly nice people and the truly mean people. We don't take advantage of other people too often and we will put our foot (feet?) down when the occasion calls for it. But nice people just want to help everyone. They want to make everyone feel good. They want everything to end happily. Some people might call this kind of idealism and optimism weak or stupid, but I don't think it's either of those. Nice people are nice because they can't be any other way. But, herein we have the rub: how do we differentiate between truly nice people and phony nice people?
    The phony nice people are hard to spot. They put on such a good face for so much of their lives that they almost convince themselves they are nice. But the difference is that the phonies have ulterior motives. They aren't nice for niceness's sake--they're nice because they want the promotion or they want you to scratch their back someday when the karma comes around, or some other less than entirely altruistic reason. These people can sometimes be even worse than mean people because they may be manipulating you without you even knowing it.
    The real nice people, we know who they are, will do everything because they want to. Because they care. They'll always offer you a soda if they're getting one for themselves. They'll always hold the door. They always say "Gesundheit" or "bless you" when you sneeze. They worry for your soul escaping from your body when you have an allergy cold and can't stop sneezing. That's true compassion. They may get put down and laughed at, taken advantage of and overwhelmed, but they will keep doing what they're doing because they can't imagine saying no or making a misstep in their manners and overall kind and generous demeanor.
We also have the people who hate themselves for being so nice. They wish they could be mean. They wish they could exhibit some level of dominance and say no once in a while. These people worry too much about what others think. They know people think they're too yielding. They know people call them a doormat. But they can't help being nice. If you are a truly nice person, you should accept it, embrace it, and learn that most people appreciate someone who cares more than someone who can assert some authority.
    But are the nice people too nice? I can't stand morning people. Morning people are usually nice people. They're too cheerful at an hour that seems impossible to me to be cheerful during. Nice people tend to make me feel bad that I'm not that nice. But I don't care about the same things. I want to get along with people and I want people to like and appreciate me, but I'm not going to say "bless you" when you sneeze because that's one of those mannerisms or superstitions I never bought into. It's a sneeze, a few moments in your chest and out your nose and mouth. It's not your soul trying to escape. (The origin of saying bless you is because people used to--or still do, apparently--think your soul would escape when you sneezed if someone didn't bless you.) Sante or salud might make more sense--to your health, because yes, you're sick, that's why you're sneezing. But I digress, as usual.
    Even if morning people make me cringe a little bit sometimes, I'd still rather be around people that are too nice, genuinely or not, than people who suck. Clearly, I'm a little over-tired, and I probably rambled on a bit about something that mean not mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, but self-deprecation is not an attractive quality either, so I'll knock it off. Being nice is good karma, whether you believe in karma or not, and it's always preferable to being an asshole.

Just be yourself. Odds are, someone will like you in spite of it.

What Women Want and Whether They Should

  Women have an extremely broad range of desires. This has been exploited in television, film, and by comedians for years. Women love chocolate. Women want to change the men they're dating/married to. Women want the perfect guy (who doesn't exist). Women prefer romance to sex, etc, etc. But today, I'm not here to talk about relationships and the power struggle that often (or perhaps only stereotypically often) occurs within them. Today, we're going to cover feminism. DON'T PANIC. I'm not going to take sides or pull a "girls rule, guys drool" argument on you. I'm going to examine what I see as today's version of feminism, and what that means for society. I've settled on a touchy subject for today, so I hope nobody takes this the wrong way.
    Today's version of feminism seems to be more about dominance and overpowering men rather than equality with men. When I hear women talk about doing things that are new, never been done, or different, they don't talk about what a huge step this is for womankind. They talk about how they are better than men, can do a better job at something than men can do, have qualities no man has. And in some cases, strictly on a case by case basis mind you, they're right. But something should be noticed here. The case that some women make is no longer "I can do anything a man can do;" now, the argument is: "I can anything a man can do, only better." When did the mentality shift from equality to domination? Fair treatment to bypassing? Female empowerment to overpowering men?
    This concerns me. Whenever one group has more power than another, it never turns out well. The powerful group never rules with equanimity and justice, but eventually becomes drunk with power and ego, and is determined to stay in power. This leads to the sublimation, or worse, of the group who has less power, and we all know how that ends (Slavery, discrimination, genocide, I think you get the picture).
    Desiring equality, the possibility granted to do the same things as men, if she should so choose, is fair. It's a reasonable request, and even a reasonable expectation. But it becomes a cause for concern when it becomes more than equality, when the desired result is a matriarchal system instead of a democracy, no matter where it's implemented--in the household, the workplace, the community, the government, or elsewhere.
    We should strive for a society that prefers equal opportunity and fairness over always wanting to be the best at something. It's nice to be the best. You get awards and pay raises and compliments for being better at something than someone else. But sometimes, it's more productive when there's collaboration. Sometimes it's more beneficial for everyone when we work together, rather than working to outsmart and one-up each other.
    I may have drifted into politics and business a little more than intended here, but my point is the same regardless. For any group that desires dominance rather than fairness: there's no I in team, and, sticking with the topic, without men, we'd just be wo. So, and this is directed at men and women alike, get what's coming to you, what you've earned, but not at the expense or demise of someone else.

Other people: can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em.

Highlights of a Pretty Decent Day

New Blink 182. Hells yeah.
Sounds totally unlike most of the mainstream (i.e. played on the radio) songs I've heard from them. I dig it. Check it on YouTube (audio only). I hope this link works, apparently it's unlisted in YouTube, but I found it directly through Blink's website:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JkoCkva-rBc&feature=player_embedded#at=13

Google+ Yes Please. 
I'm loving it. I'm still figuring my way around it, but what I've seen so far is pretty sweet. (It's not connected to this Gmail account though, so you won't find me that way.) If you're in, check out Sparks and uploading videos. Awesome.

Not Paying for Lunch. Cha-ching!
So I just ate yesterday's leftovers and I didn't heat them up because it had guacamole and warm guac is feels like eating baby vomit. Saving 6 or 7 bucks on lunch is still cool.

No More Spinning. My Eyes Aren't Crossed Yet!
If you don't know what spinning is in terms of a computer program that helps you manipulate text/content, I'm not explaining it. If you do, you know how much I rock when I say I hit 80% uniqueness this morning. I will have to go back to it tomorrow or Monday, but not doing it today was a much needed brain and eyestrain break.

A Friend Has a Birthday Today. A Very Merry Un-birthday To Me, Then. 
I won't name names because I'm still technically anonymous here, but birthdays are always good days, even sometimes for the people whose birthday it isn't. Like me :)

    I know I kinda cheated using big font to make this post longer, but I don't have a whole lot of detail to give today, just some brilliant highlights. Seriously though, if you're not on Google+ and you like using social media like Facebook, bug someone (everyone) you know to get an invite. Google+ is already way ahead of Facebook in my book and I've had it for two days.

You say tuh-may-toe and I say tuh-mah-toe. Wait, no I don't!

Grow Up! Or Keep What Childishness Is Left...

  That's directed at me, not you. Speaking profanity loudly while strangers are in the next room at your office is generally frowned upon. Technically we got away with it (I did not act alone this time), but it's not "professional". While we do work with some less than "family friendly" sites where I work, and profanity is a veritable part of working with those sites, censoring or at least talking a little more quietly, is probably something I should do being in the position I'm in.
    However, I suck at censoring when I'm around people I usually don't have to censor myself with, i.e. boys. Swearing like a sailor is something I've done for a really long time because I spend so much time around guys who swear like sailors. I will censor around children--no problems with that whatsoever. But around adults, it seems silly to me. If you have delicate sensibilities, you're probably in the wrong place, hanging out with the wrong crowd. I swear, and while I probably overdo it a lot of the time (and occasionally in inappropriate places and/or at inappropriate times), I think they're just expressive words, however vulgar some people deem them to be.
    There are a lot of words I don't like but I don't get upset when people say them (e.g. Michelle Bachman, tuna salad, bacon-wrapped anything, anything related to bowel movements, etc.). These are all things some people talk about that I really don't care for, but I'm not going to throw a fit and demand people omit stuff they think is important just because I would rather talk about something else. I'll just see if I can change the subject to something less disgusting, or if all else fails, I'll go talk to someone else.
    We're human beings. We're not perfect. I certainly am not. And when in Rome, I will probably do as the Romans do, unless it involves dangerous or illegal acts or substances. So, around a bunch of testosterone-laden dudes all day, I will swear, and the normal social etiquette that I exert in social situations among other types of people--people like my mom, my boss, or my niece--will stay in the background, and the dirty-mouthed 15-year-old kid I still am on occasion resurfaces. Unfortunately, Orbit gum does not literally remove profane vocabulary from your mouth. Only some bacteria. Unlike the commercials. I've tried it.
    So, I'm not really sure how to evaluate what happened. Profanity in the workplace is unprofessional, but, due to the profanity-involving work-related topic that was being discussed, it seems that maybe there's no need to apologize. On the other hand, maybe this is what you get for putting a 15-year-old in the body of a 23-year-old in a slightly higher responsibility level job. Maturity and professionalism are not something I can really put on for 9 hours a day. Eventually, my silly, uncensored, inappropriate sense of humor and mindset pops back out and makes an ass out of me. Opinions welcome. But no, I will not share any further details about this incident.

I don't think saying 'bullshit' is any less expressive 

than saying something phony like 'Charmed, I'm sure'.

7 Circles of Hell on the Road

  I haven't left the house today, but I thought today would be a good time to go over some driving etiquette. I did try to outline these in order of importance, or rather, in order of absolute worst to really bad but not as bad as the previous one, but they're pretty much all terrible. They all are just as frustrating as all the others.
    Horrible Driver Type #1: Subaru drivers. Now, if you have a Subaru, I hope none of the following applies to you. If it does, stop doing some of this and maybe you'll set a good example for the others. Also, it's possible this rule only applies to drivers in Colorado or drivers here from California. In any case, Subaru drivers in my experience are the worst drivers for the following reasons. Subaru drivers almost never use their turn signals. They have a nasty habit of cutting people off, especially on highways. They drive way over the speed limit. And while these things are all dangerous and discourteous things to do in a car, worst of all, they ignore weather conditions entirely. All Wheel Drive does not make you invincible. If it's raining or snowing or icy, your car can just as easily go into a ditch or off the side of a mountain if you're not driving safely based on the road conditions.
    Horrible Driver Type #2: People who don't use turn signals. I don't care what you're doing, if you're supposed to use a turn signal, use it! Even if you're in a turn-only lane, and especially if you're in a lane that can go straight or turn, use the turn signal. There is nothing I hate more than someone who doesn't use their turn signal. Changing lanes? Signal first! And NOT while you're already cutting me off! You know what turn signals do? They help the other drivers around you know what you're thinking. Considering we can't hear each other and we're operating heavy machinery, simple mechanisms like the turn signal were invented so that the other drivers can better understand your intentions and act accordingly. You use your turn signal properly and aren't impatient and obnoxious about trying to merge into my lane, I will let you in.
    Horrible Driver Type #3: People who run red lights.This one is particularly upsetting when you're running late for something. And it seems like every time it happens, it's worse than the last time. Instead of one guy running his red light, and by consequence, through your green light, it's two guys, then three, then four! It's one thing for the really huge truck to run the light. He can't always help it if it's a short light. But why is saving your minute sitting at that red turn arrow more important than my ten seconds waiting for you to clear the intersection with my green light? Sure, a minute is longer than ten seconds, but is it really worth the risk of running that red light to possibly cause an accident that's going to delay you an hour, or more? Some people just step on the gas when the light turns green, whether someone's in the intersection or not. Not everyone is paying attention and not everyone is always going to slow down or wait for you to get out of their way. It's not just rude, it's dangerous, and illegal. Maybe nobody hit you today, but maybe the state trooper is waiting on the other side of the intersection to bust you for running the light. Which is more valuable, that 1 minute, or that 75 bucks?
    Horrible Driver Type #4: People who don't go the speed limit. This annoyance is twofold. There are the showoffs who like to drive way over the speed limit--aka pretty much anyone on I-25, and there are the slowpokes who think they need to go 10 to 15 miles under the speed limit. If you go too fast--you get busted, that's your problem, but don't weave in and out of traffic, and don't get bitchy if you get behind someone who isn't going 90. Use your turn signal, don't cut someone else off when you merge into the other lane, and go around them. If you're on a residential or city street and not the highway, don't speed period, but especially not in areas with high pedestrian traffic or school zones. Way uncool. Part two, if you can't see over the wheel, can't reach the pedals, aren't paying attention to the speed limit, are really intoxicated or stoned, or are trying to transport sensitive materials, and you feel this gives you the right to go 35 in a 50 MPH zone, you're wrong. If you need to go that slow, get off the highway. If you're driving while under the influence, you really shouldn't be driving anyway. You go slow, you'll get run over on I-25, but just because you're on a smaller highway doesn't make it ok to go that slow when the speed limit is that much higher. You can get a ticket for going too slow, remember that.
    Horrible Driver Type #5: Cell Phone Users. There's a reason this one is not number 1 on the list. It's because a lot of times, the reason people are doing the things mentioned above is because they're on a cell phone. I'm not going to harp on this one too much because everyone is going to talk on the phone anyway while they're driving because they think they do it safely. If you can use your turn signal, go the speed limit, not cut people off, and obey all the traffic laws, all while using a cell phone, without getting honked at or pulled over, then good for you. I use a headset or make it a very brief call, and I always wait until I'm at a stop light to dial the number. That said, don't text and drive. Just don't. Because of the keyboard thing now, you pretty much have to look at your phone to text, and looking at your phone while driving means you're not looking at the road. Don't kill someone with your car just because you had to LOL at that joke or tell someone you'll be there soon. You'll be there sooner if you don't die.
    Horrible Driver Type #6: People who cut you off. If you don't use your turn signal and you merge into my lane within 3 car lengths or fewer, I consider it cutting me off. And, I'm still going to think you're an asshole for not using your turn signal. I don't experience this one as often, putting it further down the list, but in high traffic and rush hour, this one goes through the roof. People can't stand that everyone else is moving and they're not, so they nose their way into another lane without due procedure. Number 1, USE YOUR TURN SIGNAL if you want to come over. Number 2, don't merge if you don't have room to do it so that the other person has to let you in. That's just a shitty thing to do. Number 3, if you don't have room to merge, but you do need to get over, use your turn signal and watch for someone to wave you over. They might. It happens. If you're nice about it, some people will let you in. On another note, once you've been waved at, wave back so they know you appreciate it.
    Horrible Driver Type #7: People who don't drive with regard for the road conditions. This doesn't happen every day either, but it's worth mentioning. Rain, snow, ice, gravel, grooved pavement, construction--there are plenty of things that can make road conditions more difficult to drive on. All wheel drive is not meant to make you drive like the road conditions are normal. It's meant to help your car regain its stability in unstable road conditions. It's raining cats and dogs? Go slower, AWD or not. Also, having AWD with all-season tires doesn't make that much difference from driving a 2 wheel drive car with snow tires in snow. Know your abilities as a driver, and know your car's abilities so when driving in unsafe road conditions, you can still drive safely.
    I'm aware that most of these were covered in #1, but I thought they all deserved a little more details, for those who do these things and don't drive Subarus. I'm not outlining all these things to complain for complaint's sake. These are not only dangerous things to do while operating a couple thousand pounds of machinery around many others who are doing the same, they are also just mean and inconsiderate. Maybe you never meet or talk to the people in the cars around you as you commute, but that doesn't mean they are not important or that you shouldn't give a shit about them. They are and you should. As fellow human beings, do your fellow drivers a favor and use your damn turn signal. We could all do each other a favor and try to be nicer driving around each other.
   You know what? I forgot to mention the inconsiderate bicyclists and pedestrians, but I guess they're not drivers, technically. In any case, know the rules of the road--bikes are vehicles and have to obey stop signs, stop lights and traffic signals just like cars do. And pedestrians, right of way or not, should be aware that not every driver is paying attention and could run them over if they're not careful. I think that's all. For now.

Life in the fast lane will surely make you lose your mind.

LONG Day In Denver

  Today I attended (not by choice) a conference for administrative assistants at a Holiday Inn in Denver. It was the nicest Holiday Inn I've ever been in, that's for sure. It was supposed to help me be a better assistant and learn some more tools and skills I can apply to my job. It wasn't a total bust, I'll admit, though I had a less than sunny outlook on the whole thing at first. These workshop things where you're supposed to meet people and do workbook exercises and teambuild is absolutely not helpful to me more often than not because that's not how I learn. Plus, I don't really like the idea of meeting strange people who I'm supposed to befriend for a day and then never see again. (I'm trying something new where I have to say positive stuff if I'm going to say negative stuff. Something about a silver lining or whatever. Bear with me.)
    Again, the conference had its moments. The speaker I sat in with for the majority of the day (there was another one whom I wish I had sat in on her discussions more) was extremely bubbly and chatty. She had some helpful points, but she didn't really give as many examples of how to put those ideas into action. The other speaker had better real-life examples and her analogies made more sense to me--again, making me wish I'd sat in on her discussions (there were 5 from each speaker throughout the day) more than I did. But some of what they said was interesting--learning about how to communicate better with different personality types; how to solve problems in the workplace in a creative way, etc.
    However, it seemed very focused toward the corporate world, which doesn't really apply to me since I work at such a small company, and other times, it seemed focused toward a more traditional office environment, which mine most definitely is not. Technology seemed to get ignored completely, which was yet another downer because, um, that's kind of a big thing where I work--web design company and all. The speaker asked for suggestions or examples of how we communicate in our offices, and I said we use Skype to Instant Message each other, which we do. It's not awesome, but it's quite useful some of the time. The speaker seemed to write it off, saying IMs could get annoying because they flash at you when they come in before you look at them, and that can distract you from whatever other work you're doing. True, but that doesn't mean it's not faster and easier than email for short messages or questions, and much faster and easier than getting up and asking people something (depending on the complexity of the question).
    All in all, I felt like it was a little too old school for me. There were a few younger women there, but most were between about 30 and 60, so there was a lot of stuff about writing stuff down, rather than using some sort of electronic system for organization. I'm like, we don't have files. EVERYTHING is on my computer. The only stuff that is on paper is stuff I've printed out so I don't have to keep tracking down that one email or that one document for a particular current project I'm working on. But those get shredded or tossed pretty quickly--they don't get filed away somewhere, never to be seen again. (Of course, it's a lot easier to bitch about the things I didn't like about it and what I didn't find relevant than to explain what I did like and did find to be relevant, which is why I'm doing it.)
    I learned some good suggestions on how to approach communication with both my bosses and my coworkers, so that was helpful. Also, learned how to approach problems and how to come up with solutions first before going to the boss, if possible. I didn't learn too much about organization because I'm a little too set in my ways on how I keep on my tasks (basically I write them down on paper/sticky note/Outlook calendar in several places, several times, so the repetition gets the task stuck in my brain and much harder to be missed or forgotten) but I did think of something I maybe could implement as far as task management goes at work. I don't know if it'll be useful, as many of our spreadsheets and files tend to get used once and then forgotten about. We have a problem at my job of implementing a system, and then not actually sticking to it and utilizing it fully. It kind of falls to the wayside sooner or later.
    Aside from sitting in a really uncomfortable chair for the better part of 6 hours, which is longer than I sit at my desk at work because I'm constantly getting up and asking questions, getting feedback, checking on my coworkers and their tasks, etc., it wasn't as awful a day as I had imagined. I did remember about three things that need to be done at work, which probably aren't done, and won't be done by the end of tomorrow, but they're all things for other people to do, so maybe I won't take the heat for not getting them done...
    Somewhat off topic, for those non-Coloradans who have no idea what Denver is like, don't drive here. Get someone else to drive you. Getting to the hotel this morning was easy, relatively traffic-free. Getting home was another story, even though we ended about 15 or 20 minutes early. Rush hour starts at like 2pm so you're pretty much screwed no matter what. Then, after two or three weeks of 80-90+ degree weather, got POURED ON the entire way back too. I waited for the storm to clear in Denver and then as soon as I headed out, it was just dumping rain the entire drive back. Hydroplaning was imminent, but I survived this time. (Sidenote: You know you live in Colorado when: you get rained on across the entire drive along the Front Range. But this only happens like once a year so it's manageable in the grand scheme of things.)
   Overall, the conference would have been better if the whole thing had been more focused on one thing like project management or communicating with your bosses and coworkers rather than trying to squeeze it all in over the course of a day. Everything got skimmed over a lot, and there could have been more examples, more in-depth coverage of topics if it had not been so broad.
   One last little complaint: I had to bring my own lunch. WTF. Cold, leftover Chipotle for lunch at an all-day conference where you have to pay $200 to get in kind of sucks.

I guess there's no such thing as a free lunch. Except I had one yesterday. 

So, WTF again.

Resume Building Is Hard Work!

  I just updated (but still only 80% complete) my LinkedIn profile to include some more skills, past work experience, and a summary, among other things, and I think I've been at it for two or more hours! I'm not looking for another job at the moment, but as volatile as the internet business is, I think it's better to be on the safe side and be 80% prepared in case anything should happen that would put me out of work.
    Needless to say, I was pretty thorough in the parts of it that I completed. I wrote what I think is a rather clever summary (Translation: it may contain too many attempts at humor and not enough actual job experience/information), and I pretty much copy/pasted my coworker's specialties and inserted a few of my own that fit better with my job description. It's probably a damn good thing I didn't start writing this blog until I was employed or 2010 would have been a hell of a depressing year with me talking about the USA Arcade on USANetwork.com, and how unfortunate it was that nobody would give me a chance. Not many people know what the hell to think of some kid who spent four (though technically I finished in 3.5) years in college studying philosophy, let alone people who actually know what you'd study if you studied philosophy.
    I am incredibly content to be employed, though I don't quite make enough to satisfy any apartment landlords application requirements without a cosigner. I get to do interesting things at work, I work with amazing people, and every now and again I get to write or edit or come up with some creative tweak to some design or plan we're working on. I'm not even going to complain about my job, although I could--I always can find something to complain about.
    But back to the resume thing. I do find it rather entertaining that LinkedIn makes completing your profile like a game, where you have to get 100% or you can't win. I suppose job searching and networking is like a game. You have to say these words, and not those ones, have these skills, and be clever or lucky enough to get to the end of it all unscathed. (I couldn't decide between a card game metaphor or a board game metaphor, so I dodged both.)
    So, with my profile 4/5 complete, I think I'll move on to slightly more interesting endeavors this evening for the remaining hour or so that I get to stay up. Some online movies, or Stephen King? Decisions, decisions.

Decision made: No King before bed--King=nightmares!

5 Reasons Why George Lucas Sucks

  Oh, George Lucas, how do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways. On the one hand, I must congratulate you for putting together the original 3 Star Wars films that I and so many others around the world love so much, but on the other hand, I really wish someone had put a leash on you about fifteen years ago.
    Reason 1: We could have avoided those horrible "prequels" where Yoda is CGI and Samuel L. Jackson is a Jedi. And I don't think I need to get into everything wrong with the decision to cast Hayden Christiansen as Anakin. Seriously. But I could.
    Reason 2: You wouldn't have rereleased the original films in special edition three packs (or four-packs) in which you digitally remastered and added extra scenes, including a brand new CGI Jabba the Hut--scenes that weren't necessary in the first place.
    Reason 3: We wouldn't have an animated version of Attack of the Clones.
    Reason 4: Jar Jar Binks. 
And I'm just getting warmed up. As much as I'd love to give you a free pass on the original Star Wars films, I really wish you'd gotten someone else to write them. (Reason 5) When you can't come up with another way to say: "I've got a bad feeling about this" (count how many times they say this or a strikingly similar term in the original 3 films--go on, I dare you), I think it's time to bring in another creative head.
    I could go on, but I'll leave it at that. The story and the characters in Star Wars are too enjoyable for me to tear the entire empire apart (pun intended). The trilogy has some of the best qualities a good film (or set of films) ought to have, a love story--even a love triangle (however incestuous that one may be--thanks for that one, GL), action, terror, an excellent villain, good triumphing over evil, suspense, and some excellent twists. Darth is Luke's father?? I don't know anyone who saw that one coming.
    So, it's really a love-hate relationship. If we could only get you to stop trying to milk this idea for all it's worth, Mr. Lucas, I think we might actually be able to get along someday. I can watch my DVDs in peace and ignore the CGI scenes interjected into them. (I also hope you have a sense of humor about some constructive criticism.)

Pleeeeease don't deactivate me!

Movie Magic

  Who remembers their first time at the movies? I was very small. So small, in fact, that the theater seemed like it would fit a thousand people. I don't remember exactly which movie I saw the first time at the movie theater, but I do recall one of the first movies I saw at the theater: 101 Dalmatians, the original animated version. Despite my extreme shyness as a child, I was so overwhelmed by the awesome spotted dogs that were outwitting the maniacal Cruella De Vil, that I cried out: "Puppy Power!!" in the middle of the movie, holding up my little stuffed dalmatian that I insisted on carrying with me everywhere at that time.
    My dad only had to tell me once that you're not supposed to yell out in a movie theater, but I'm sure everyone else thought it was pretty funny rather than annoying, so I guess that particular mistake in etiquette was not so bad.
    Throughout the years, I have developed a profound connection and adoration for film. And yes, my admiration extends beyond Disney movies now. I have seen some of the original moving pictures, the ones that are all disjointed and only have music, no dialogue. I've seen the first talkie. I've seen movies in black and white, color, and some movies that tried to combine the two. I've probably seen less than a dozen truly bad movies, because generally, I think most movies have merit in some way, for some people. No movie is for everybody. As much as I'd like to tell everyone in the world they haven't lived until they've seen Casablanca, romance, wartime stories, and even black and white isn't everyone's cup of tea. That's their too bad--because Casablanca is amazing. There are movies that I watch and enjoy the story, but sometimes, I have to marvel at the filmmaking itself. The process. And the magic that movies create as only they can.
    No matter how technologically advanced we become, there is still a thrill in going to the movie theater, sitting down in the squeaky seats, and watching a story play out on a gigantic screen for two hours. You can take my MP3 player, my video games, and my computer, but don't take my DVDs and a TV to watch them on. Even now, after I've been going to movies for about twenty years now, there's still this wonderment and excitement that happens when I go to the movies. I've seen most if not all of the previews already, but when the lights dim and the movie starts, I can shut up, ignore my phone, and lose myself in the film.
    I'm not biased, and I'm not really a movie snob the way some people get to be. I like everything from chick flicks to action movies. I love Die Hard and Jerry Maguire. I am just as big a Star Wars nerd as I am a Wes Anderson fan. And even actors I once disliked usually grow on me after I've seen more of their work. (Ahem, Kevin Bacon, Kim Basinger, and Michael Douglas, to name a few.)
    I can't even say I discriminate the award-worthy movies from the movies that are just there to make you laugh and make money. They all have their value. The former are the last remaining effort to keep filmmaking an art form, and the latter may be fodder for the masses, but they're entertaining, and that's part of what movies should be. Movies don't all have to be educational, or documentaries. They don't all have to be creative works.

"Make 'em laugh, make 'em laugh, don't you know everyone loves to laugh?"

That's perfectly fine with me.

    I love the movies so much that I will go by myself if no one else is willing to chuck out the $8.75 to $10.50 (or more) it costs nowadays. I don't mind, because I will admit, I'm a pain in the ass to see a movie with because I'm talking (whispering) the entire time, commenting on this thing that reminds me of that movie or that actor who I saw in this other movie.
    Despite the extreme inflation of the cost of going to a movie, a single person can spend $15 to $20 bucks easily on snacks, drinks, and a single admission, people still go. Every weekend. The parking lot is packed and the auditorium showing the new release is always full. Because people love the movies. Maybe not for the same reasons as I do, but they do. Movies make us think and feel things that we didn't always realize we were thinking or feeling. They aren't always true to life, science fiction tries specifically not to be, but it's not the spaceships or magic spells or happily ever after in the movies that gets us to go: it's the people. They may be better looking, but there's something real about the people in the movies, and that's what keeps us going. If we couldn't relate to them, they would cease to hold our attention.
    It's Saturday night, so go catch a movie if it isn't too late, or stay in and watch one with a bowl of microwave popcorn and a cup of soda. They make us laugh, cry, scream, and gasp, and the best movie is one that does it all.

We'll always have Paris.

Basic Instincts

  Remember what I said about tolerance a while back? Forget all that. Just kidding. [PS: Apologies for not posting lately. My internet's been down ): ]
    Why is that we feel it's okay to stop tolerating people? Or not tolerate certain people. Certain people "bring it on themselves" or "have a bad attitude" or are just "different" that they don't deserve our acceptance. At least, this is what we like to tell ourselves. I'll admit, as preachy as I may get, I'm guilty of this one. Every now and again, I'll meet a person who I immediately just don't like. This dislike may occur for various reasons--while I like to blame it on pheromones, that may not be the entire truth of the matter. It's physiologically possible for us to dislike people based on the pheromones they excrete, just like it's physiologically programmed for us to be attracted to certain people based on their pheromones. It's a tactic we've evolved to help us find the most suitable mates and most evolutionarily compatible (i.e. non-threatening and non-harmful) companions. But pheromones may also warn us to stay away from certain people the way taste buds warn us about harmful foods.
    I'm no scientist, by anyone's standards. So, take this scientific speak with a grain of salt based on my limited understanding of how the body, and brain, work. If something is bitter, our taste buds let us know, and many times we will tend to avoid that food in the future. If someone's pheromones are distasteful, so to speak, our brain tells us we may want to avoid that person. Here's a question: should we trust our initial physiological instinctive reactions, or should we give people a second chance and try to let them overcome their biology with their psychology?
    Normally, I'd say the latter, but these physiological reactions exist for a reason--self-preservation. Maybe these people aren't all axe murderers or evil geniuses, but what is the reason that our bodies react against them? Perhaps they aren't physically harmful, but psychologically, it's possible. Misery loves company, as they say, and these people we instinctively dislike may be psychologically harmful, if they are negative people, pessimistic people, or just unhappy people. The question is, does our biology pick up on this negativity and send a message to stay away from them so as not to pollute our own psychological well-being? Or am I just whistling dixie out of my ass to justify why we dislike some people?
    As much as I'd like to believe that we all have it within us to be kind and generous and good-hearted towards everyone and anyone, I do believe that there are some people that we will just never like. We may be able to be civil to them and put on a good face, but there will always be something about them that will rub us the wrong way.
    While there aren't too many people out there, I'm talking real people that you meet--not celebrities, politicians, or athletes--that I honestly dislike for whatever reason, there are a couple. I can get along with most anyone, and I try to. I hate confrontation, and I suck at arguments, so staying on people's good sides is something I work very hard at. But every now and again, there comes a person that I genuinely just don't like. I can never put my finger on exactly why. I can give reasons, they have a bad attitude, they're too cocky, they're disrespectful, etc, but those things are not the whole story. They're reasonable reasons for not liking someone, but the dislike goes beyond that. There is just something about them, a je ne sais quoi, but in a bad way, that turns me off about them.
    Clearly, I haven't really made much of an argument for either side of this topic, whether we dislike people for a real physiological reason or whether we make up reasons for why we dislike them, and then there's the further thought: do we trust our instincts about people or should we give them the benefit of the doubt?
    Personally, I think we do dislike people for physiological reasons sometimes, and when that happens, we ought to give them a second chance, or even a third, to redeem themselves. Sometimes they'll surprise you. But sometimes, you're not going to like them no matter how hard you try, and the most you can do is just be nice to them as best you can, and not let the negativity you get from them eat away at you.

Attraction or aversion: which is more easily overcome?

Drama, Drama, Drama

  Much to the chagrin, disappointment and confusion of pretty much everyone I know, I have been watching Days of Our Lives regularly for 9 years this summer. While soap operas are cheesy, irrelevant, and completely unlike anything in real life, they have their moments, and their merits. Don't believe me? Well, I'm not here to convince anyone, or convert anyone, as much as I would like to bring more viewers to DOOL for their ratings sake, I doubt my reach is far enough to accomplish that. I'm only going to make a case for myself and my reasoning.
    Nine years ago, I was approximately two months away from starting high school. It was not only a big maturity mile marker, but also, it was to be my first experience at a public school after nine previous years of private school. I was afraid. I didn't know what to expect. And one day, home by myself, I happened to find Days of Our Lives on. There were four teenagers, at the prom, and I started watching. I was enthralled with how beautiful they all were, and how their little world, Salem--a fictional Midwestern town, worked. I kept tuning in. I guess I thought maybe I might learn something about high school or being a teenager or something. Probably not the best place to take my social cues from, but I was 14--what can I say?
    One of the best things I liked about my new-found afternoon program was that everything always worked out for the best. Good triumphs over evil, eventually--though in Salem it can take a really excruciatingly long time--and the women were beautiful and the men were all knights in shining armor--most of the time--except for the villains. The familiarity with the characters was comforting too. One month, Sami may be your favorite character, and the next, you'll think she's being horrible and decide that Nicole is who you want to root for. Loyalties change constantly as you watch the show, because the characters change and go through periods of extreme personality conflicts, sometimes by choice, sometimes by accident, and sometimes for no apparent reason at all.
    I will, only because I feel addressing it is necessary, go over the parts of soaps that turn people off. I've seen evil twins, people who were thought to be dead come back to life, people with amnesia who recover (often through hypnosis), medical miracles, kidnappings, more near incestuous relationships than I can count, and brainwashing, plus an array of other bizarre and wildly fantastical plots play out over the years. And, the plots have gone so far as to turn me off a few times so that I would quit watching for a few weeks or months until something interesting happened again.
    But, in spite of these plotlines, I continue to watch. Because I've known these people for so long, I care about what happens to them. I want this person to go to jail and that couple to have their happily ever after. It's not because I still think stuff like this actually happens or because I still think men can be as romantic and perfect as they are in the show--they're not, but they have their moments too.
    I've come to realize that one of the main reasons I still watch this ridiculous, unrealistic, and sometimes poorly written show is because I appreciate the stability. Every day, Monday through Friday (unless it's Thanksgiving or Christmas or some horrific news event occurs that NBC has to take over broadcasting that information for), there will be an episode of Days of Our Lives. There are no reruns. And even during Wimbledon or other sporting events. The show doesn't completely disappear. They show that day's episodes late at night, which I'm never able to stay up for, but through the magical world of Hulu, I can still follow them.
    There is, and unless--God forbid--it ever gets canceled, always will be, one constant in life: Monday through Friday, an episode of the trials and tribulations of the people of Salem will air. This fact is extremely comforting when everything else around me moves and changes rapidly so much that it's hard to keep up. I defend the need for some stability in life, and if this is the only place I can get it, I'll take it. But I do enjoy watching. Not every character all the time, but it's still entertaining. And, one of the salable points of it: you can always say, well, at least my life isn't that messed up.

Like sands through the hourglass, these are the days of our lives.

Go Viral

  So, I had a computer virus on my trusty laptop last night. Another Trojan Horse, as usual. But since I hadn't had a computer virus in about two and a half years, I was quite panicked. This one was extremely malicious, as it knocked out Avast! and shut it down completely. After logging into Windows (Yes, I'm a PC), my entire screen was black except for a small pop-up window in the center that said something like: "An unauthorized change has been made to Windows limiting its functionality." Yeah, a virus snuck around my firewall. And then I was left with two options: Learn more online, or Close. Understand, dear readers, I had no desktop, taskbar or anything, none of my programs would open using shortcut keys, and yet, amazingly enough, my computer was connected to the Internet.
    I quickly discovered if I clicked Close that the virus kicked me back to my start-up screen asking me to log into Windows again, returning me to the same black screen with the same pop-up. Clicking Learn more online opened my web browser and took me to an interesting URL trying to upsell me on Windows 7. It almost looked like a legitimate webpage, but the graphics were a little off, the functionality was suspicious, and when the URL opened, it appeared that it had redirected from another funky URL that was much longer. I managed to get through to Microsoft tech support via chat (after managing to contact what I assume was a malicious chat person who asked to remotely log into my computer), and they helped me install new virus protection software, which was able to catch the virus and remove it.
    I rather enjoy live chat. They may not be from around here, but if they know what they're doing and can help me, I got nothing against them. I then updated my security measures on my computer, compulsively, trying to make them even harder to break through than before. And what gets me is I don't shop online. These guys attacked a computer and failed miserably because they can't even steal any financial info from me. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Trojan Horse creating dickheads.
    Reminder to all: use a password for EVERYTHING. Don't use the same one for them all either. And make them challenging. Numbers, capitals, characters (when allowed) are all good. Definitely don't use passwords that can be guessed at by looking at other stuff on your computer. And always have more than one virus protection software on your computer. Avast! failed me for the first time in two years. Try another one, or two, on top of it and together, you'll have a better chance of preventing serious damage.

Can't touch this. Hackers :P

Nonconformity Is Not Always Rebellion

So, I just saw the new X-Men movie: awesome.
    But there's a deeper point to this one than just lots of action, cool special effects, and pretty people fighting each other. I don't want to read too much into it, but the premise of the X-Men has always been about conformity or nonconformity. Whether to fit in or rebel. Coexist or take over. The conflict is always present, and the decision at hand is something that is terribly relevant for anyone having an identity crisis or experiencing a coming of age, which is one reason the comic book was so popular with young people.
    We may not be quite as unusual as the mutants in the film are, but we all have had that moment or era in life (and if you haven't, don't worry, it's coming) where we had to decide to go along with the status quo or speak out against it. Sometimes this speaking out is peaceable, and sometimes it's violent or disruptive.
    Personally, I can only go along with some things for so long. Eventually, I have to put my foot down and say: this isn't working anymore; or no, I'm not going to do this. But all too often, we conform almost without thinking about it. Or we conform directly as a result of not thinking about it.
    I think we should stop that. Stop not thinking and start thinking. What do you think about the issues? Not what does your favorite television personality think about it, what do YOU think about it? If you come to the conclusion, after careful and deliberate consideration, that you do agree with your TV actor/commentator's opinion after all, fine, but at least you gave it some thought and can back up your reasoning.
    Conformity is about many things. In high school, it's about wearing certain clothes, listening to certain music, watching certain TV shows, or other things that are focused on your appearance, style and likes/dislikes. As a grown up, sometimes it's still about these things, but because your microcosm now extends a little farther beyond yourself, you have to worry about other things. Politics (even if you think you don't care), economics, society. Like it or not, it's important to think about these other things. We can't be egocentric forever.
    Coexistence with people we disagree with is necessary. Just because we don't all agree on things doesn't mean we have to eliminate the opposition. That is called fascism. And we should probably try to avoid that direction. But coexistence doesn't mean we have to keep our mouths shut. We can still argue for what we think and believe in. If we have our opinions, but keep them to ourselves, it's just as bad as not thinking about things and not having opinions, because then a certain group of people can make all the important decisions about politics, society, economics, etc, on their terms.
    Make up your mind and make a stand. It may not always seem like it makes a difference, but it could make all the difference.

Caring is not creepy.

The Heat Is On

  It was a not so sunny 85ish degrees today. One of the first (if only) days this year so far that was that warm. The moths are out in force. Four times in the past twenty four hours, I've opened my car doors and a moth flew out from the crevice between the door and the car. And there were two in the office this afternoon. (I suggested we get a cat to take care of that problem.)
    But I'm not going to talk about the weather. The heat is on because I have 29 days to find a new apartment. My lease is up at the end of June and I not only refuse to stay and pay the outrageous (to put it mildly) month to month rent at my current apartment, but I also semi-refuse to move back in with my parents temporarily until I do find a place. I was living there for about 3 and a half months last year after I got my job, but the commute is a little farther than I'd like, and I was hoping, trying to be a grown-up and all, that I wouldn't have to be in that position again.
    But it's sort of slim pickins. There are plenty of places out there, but many are either: A) too far from work; B) at the basement or ground level (I worry about flooding out here); C) too expensive for my barely double digit an hour salary; D) do not allow cats (I would like to finally bring my cat up to live with me so my dad can stop babysitting him for me); or E) just aren't very nice (old, bug infested, or in a bad neighborhood). I have a few prospects, which my wonderful boyfriend has agreed to call for me since I would rather not make personal phone calls while I'm at work. Hopefully there will be something out there. It doesn't need to be that big or fancy or modern. It'd just be nice if it had a dishwasher and would let me have my cat. I'm probably too picky, so it's good to have a second opinion along to keep that in check.

    On the bright side: I paid my last month's rent today to the apartment nazis I currently have a lease with. 

Countdown to new apartment: 29 days (or less). I hope.

A Closer Look at Memorial Day

  Memorial Day has never meant that much to me. I don't know any really patriotic people. And I don't know anyone who makes a big deal about being a veteran or anything like that. For me, for the aforementioned reasons, Memorial Day has pretty much just been another day off from school and/or work. But it does mean a lot to a lot of people. According to Wikipedia, it began after the Civil War to honor the Union soldiers who had died during the war, and eventually came to be a day to remember all those who served in the armed forces and died in the wars that our country has seen over the years.
    But patriotism has its place, and so today, I think I'll pontificate a bit about why this shouldn't just be another day.
    Part of remembering the past is to help change things and make them better for the future. So, in that respect, remembering everyone that died during the wars of the past century, two World Wars, Vietnam, Korea, and still going--Afghanistan and Iraq--(plus any others that my limited 20th century US history education has not made me aware of) is not only about remembering those who sacrificed their lives for their country, but trying to make it so that that sacrifice is not necessary in the future.
    Let's all laugh at the pacifist who wants world peace and an end to all wars. Done yet? Ok, I'll go on.
    Wars are ugly and expensive and they kill people, people you may know. And yes, it would be nice if we could solve things with diplomacy and words instead of machine guns and bombs. But as much as humanity wants to keep things civil, and remain entitled to call itself humanity, we continue to take the easy way out. Yes, war is the easy way out. Talking is hard. It takes time. And we may have to come back and say what we want to say or change what we want to say several times, or dozens of times, before we get it right. (Wars have a nasty habit of enduring and taking a lot longer than intended, too, but for some reason, people continue to overlook that detail when comparing it to diplomacy...)
    People think talking doesn't work because many times, people lie or go back on their word. And many other times, people don't even want to listen to each other. Not wanting to listen makes diplomacy pretty difficult. But taking a long time trying to talk and be heard is a better alternative, a more human alternative, to giving up and just sending a bunch of people over to an unfamiliar place and telling them to shoot people.
    So, Memorial Day ought to be not only a day of remembrance, but a day of hope. Hope that mankind can learn to man up and solve its problems without that kind of violence that makes days like Memorial Day necessary.

Peace, love, and bean sprouts.

Privacy Please: An Analyis of Its Disappearance

  While the advent of social media has been great for improving communication in many cases, it also marks the disappearance of privacy in many ways. You can't be Facebook friends with your boss unless you're okay with him/her seeing that you spent your entire Friday night drinking beers with your friends or that you just beat Guitar Hero, again. And don't get me started on being friends with parents on Facebook. No matter how old you are, they will inevitably disapprove of certain things that you, or your other friends, post on your wall.
    But Facebook is just the start. There is still some element of privacy to it. You don't have to friend your mom or your boss. You can make your profile private so that only your Facebook friends can view what you post to it. Twitter has two options: private or public. And most blogs are the same way. You approve or disapprove the people who want to follow you and read what you have to say. But you may still have to censor yourself.
    The Internet has made privacy pretty much nonexistent, even with all the privacy settings you can add to what you might share online. Once you say something online, you can't take it back. There is a permanent digital record of all of it, somewhere, in cyberspace. Even if you delete it. And that makes honesty a real challenge sometimes, because knowing that what you say in the virtual world can come back to haunt you in the real world is kind of scary. Some people just don't realize this. But some of those that do censor what they say.
    However, taking everyone into account for censorship is a major pain in the ass. Some people will think what you have to say is funny or interesting or cool, and others will be offended or dismayed. When speaking to someone directly, some censorship is appropriate at times, though it's called tact instead. But in writing, there shouldn't be any censorship. Because then it's no longer honest. And what is the point of sharing what you're thinking through words if you're not going to be honest about it?
    As much as it has pained me, I have kept a lot to myself because I didn't want to have the people I already know think of me differently because of what I might say. And I have kept the existence of this blog and some other writing I've done a secret from certain people for that same reason. I wanted to be able to say what I thought here, and certain people might disagree. I welcome disagreement from you, dear readers, because I know that 9 times out of 10, if not more, I am completely full of shit. But I'd rather not have to argue with the people I see and speak to all the time because of some ridiculous hypothesis I put forth here.
    One day, I hope, what I have to say will be open and available for everyone, and I'll take the flack for it when that day comes. But for now, I'll write for you and for myself, and not worry about what judgment you may pass on me because of it.

The pen is, in fact, mightier than the sword.

When Writing Gets Ugly

  Everyone has had a moment where they looked back over something they wrote and went, what the hell was that supposed to be? Sometimes it was just gibberish; other times you just ended up with a completely ungrammatical sentence; and still other times, you managed to mangle a word so badly with your 120 WPM skills that the auto-correct didn't even know what to do with it. I do that last one frequently due to the dyslexia my brain seems to pick up when it's trying to get something written in a hurry. Except my WPM is far from 120.
    But ugly writing, though it may seem useless and frustrating, considering you have to go back and fix it later, is not a bad thing. It's a start, and for those who write compulsively or regularly (and not compulsively), a start composed of crappy writing is WAY better than a blank page/screen. But that ugly writing isn't going to get pretty on its own, and revision, for some writers, is almost a dirty word.

"What? I didn't write it perfect the first time? 

You've got to be kidding. 

That is 100% quality prose right there." 

    Once we put our egos in check, however, there's a rare occasion when everything comes out brilliant and with no revision necessary the first time around. So while I love editing, I love it only as long as it's not my writing. I am pretty good at giving constructive criticism on other people's work. But when it comes to my own writing, I procrastinate to an obscene amount. If it's shorter, like an essay or a poem, or a blog post, I can do it because I know it will be quick and relatively painless. Every blog post is at least a second draft. And every 2 or more page paper I've written in the past eight years has been a 2nd, 3rd, or 4th draft.
    But the truth is, it can always be better. The question we must ask ourselves is: how much time do we want to/are we able to commit to making it better? To this end, I'm currently enacting a new strategy in my creative writing project, though I didn't set out to do things this way. I wrote--a good 2500 words or so in a day--and then steadily tacked on a few hundred words a day until I got blocked. I suddenly found myself writing the story into a corner (forgive the mixed metaphor) and I stopped. I thought about where I had gone wrong and made notes about where to fix it. And then I did. It took me about two weeks, off and on, to do the rewrites and the make the changes, but I think it's improved. And it's put me back on track. On a track I didn't realize I was going on, but a forward moving track that is not headed for a corner, or dead end.
    Revising 3500 hundred words or so is a lot easier than writing upwards of 30 or 40 thousand words first and then trying to go back and revise all of it. It's a lot of ground to cover, so much ground that it seems impossible not only to try to reread all of it, but to do more than fix a couple commas here and there.
    So, whenever writer's block sets in, going back and revising (and revisiting) what you've written can get your brain unblocked. It may not be pretty, looking at how far off topic you've gone or how ridiculous that string of dialogue sounds (people don't talk like that, do they?), but it helps. It is one day, or one set of however many pages/words you typically write in a day, at a time. Get through it and you can move on in a direction that may be even better than the one you originally had in mind.

Even the ugly duckling turned into a swan.

Pros and Cons of Being a Grown-Up

I had a moment this morning, powering through my work and listening to my MP3 (No, I do not have an iPod, for a reason) when I felt very adult-like. Typing fast, jamming out to Suffragette City and Sunshine Highway, and being totally productive, something I'm mostly able to do now that I don't have to leave halfway through the day to go to school. It was awesome.
    While being a grown-up does suck on occasion: losing a significant amount of my paycheck to taxes, paying rent to apartment Nazis that shut off my water every other week, paying bills, the possibility of getting called for jury duty (yeah, good luck with that one--I've got so many addresses my name is connected to in the past five years!). I wish I could think of more grown-up responsibilities that didn't involve money, but unfortunately, it seems that my life does revolve around finances at the moment.
    There are some pluses to being an adult: I can legally purchase alcohol, I can pay for my own gas (that could be a negative, but for me, it's a pretty big responsibility), I can give money to charity and write it off on my taxes, I can rent an apartment, I can complain to the apartment managers and my complaint actually carries weight, and I can buy my own stuff. That may not seem like much, and much of it does still have to do with money, but being able to support yourself, even if it's rather frugally, is a pretty cool thing.
    I've been living off my parents for twenty-two years, and to be able to pay for my own movie tickets, take my parents out to dinner, buy my own groceries, and even cook some of my own meals. So, adulthood has some things going for it, and some things that are a pain in the ass. I do miss childhood though. I enjoyed high school. It was the only time in my life I really had friends. Almost all my friends are long-distance friends now.
    And I enjoyed life when I was little. My Barbies and stuffed animals, the Bailey School Kids books, R.L. Stine books, getting hooked on movies that weren't produced by Disney, learning to read and write, and learning I was pretty good at both. I think I'm still somewhere in between being a kid and being a grown-up. I only act grown-up around other grown-ups. On my own or with people I'm close to, I act like the crazy teenager I was a few years ago.
    As much as I enjoyed being a kid (though at the time, I couldn't grow up fast enough), I like being grown up too, at least 60 or 70 percent of the time. We may take on more responsibilities and have to deal with things way beyond our maturity level being older, but as long as we never lose our childish enthusiasm, we can stay young at heart. (Side note: I just quoted 2 movies and a song in one sentence. Which ones?)

Live long and prosper.

Yes, You're Still In the Right Place!

This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands. The site looks a little different, no? Well, it should. Because it is. I didn't take anything away (I don't think...), but everything is definitely in a different place. I was going to do this redesign a couple months ago, but I was worried people wouldn't recognize it. As there are so few returning visitors, I think (hope) you'll find your way around again.
    So, at the very least, you may want to check out the About Me page. I added on to what was originally in the About the Author box. (I hope that link isn't broken. The URL didn't change after I changed the title of the page.
    I hope you like it. Those of you who knew what it looked like before. Comments?

I hope new means improved. This time, anyway.

Quit Being Part of the Problem

S.E.P., for those of you who are not ubernerds like me and have not read the third book from the Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy series, is what is known as "somebody else's problem". The SEP is a staple of American life. If it's not happening directly to us, for example, some knucklehead in a Subaru cutting you off in traffic, it's not our problem. It's somebody else's problem. Natural disasters, war, social movements, environmental movements, these and other things are often considered to be SEPs unless they are occurring on our doorstep.
    An unfortunate reality, because if we were to begin noticing the SEPs out there, and make it our problem, we wouldn't be so concerned about the fate of the world, and we might actually have some optimism about the future. Bad economy? That's somebody else's problem. War in Afghanistan? That's S.E.P. too. Climate change? S.E.P. When we all give ourselves permission to say it's SEP, it stifles the world and smothers the possibility of finding a solution.
    So, stop being part of the problem, and start being part of the solution. Stop saying it's S.E.P. Stuff like climate change, the economy, and natural disasters are ALL our problems, whether we like it or not.
I'm being a little preachy today because some nut thinks today is the end of the world, and I figure I'm allowed, being sane. But in the case that the world is still here tomorrow, a good piece of advice moving forward is to eliminate the mindset that everything difficult or ugly or unpleasant is S.E.P. Things are only going to get worse with that attitude.
    So, dear readers, if we can work on a little compassion, or empathy, even if it's for our own selfish reasons, maybe we can push out the date of the actual end of the world. And, make the time until then a little better for everyone. Preachity preach preachy. Apologies. But I think since this is positive, solution-oriented, and non-prophesying preaching, maybe it's not as hubristic (I know that's not a word, but maybe it will be now...) as this dude who's predicting the rapture will occur today.
    As far as I can tell, Saturday morning cartoons still aired, my horoscope was pretty optimistic, playoff hockey is still on, there's even a bit of blue sky out my window, and I haven't heard anything particularly ominous on the news. But of course, there are still about 11 hours left of the day in my timezone, so I suppose it's a wait and see. But again, Skynet isn't self aware, no zombies are marching stupidly on my street in search of brains, and the Poudre isn't flooding. So, I'm thinking we'll just have to wait for 2012, or for the next attention-seeking nut who decides he knows better than anyone else about the end of the world.

And.... Tampa Bay just scored. 3 TIMES! All tied up! Hell didn't freeze over just yet!

Vitamin D Deficiency

It has been ugly and cloudy and gray for more than a week now, and steadily gray and rainy for several days. It is damned depressing. It's dampening everyone's mood and morale. And it's causing drowsiness. This is in a place where we generally get over 300 days of sunshine in a year. (Granted that number includes days where the sun was only out for part of the day, but nonetheless.)
    It's the first week of full-time work, and the first two or three days were overwhelming because I was busy. I was not as busy today, and I was hoping to wrap things up so I could begin another project, i.e. larger task that would take me longer than 15 minutes, but I spent so much time going back and forth to people's offices for discussions and meetings and assigning tasks that I don't know where half my damn day went.
    I thought that my colleagues were keeping me from doing my job, because they're entertaining and fun to talk to--and for someone who hasn't consistently had friends to talk to in person for a long time, having people like that around is really comforting. But, as a matter of fact, it might be my bosses that are keeping me from doing my job now. They keep assigning one thing after another, and having meeting after meeting and training after training that it keeps me there, listening to what needs to be done, and not able to actually do any of it! I like to get stuff done. I get a little thrill every time I get to cross something off a list or check a box as complete. And I don't even mind having a long list as long it's not all due immediately. But if people keep telling me what to do and not giving me a chance to do it, it gets really frustrating. I want to do it. I really do. So what might be better is to just make a list. Write an email. Carrier pigeon. Whatever. Just quit making me go back and forth so much so I can sit down and actually get stuff done.

UPDATE: I had to edit out some of this for security reasons.

    Rant over. Apologies for getting a little off topic. I'm going to blame it on the shitty weather. But that's the majority of shareable information that's on my mind today, so I figured it might make for the most interesting read. But interesting is a sliding scale. It's interesting by comparison, not by default.

I get by with a little help from my friends.

The Cars at the Fillmore

I saw the Cars in concert last night. It was freaking awesome. I'm going to post some videos (someone who was also there posted video!), but you shouldn't judge them on the live videos because they were recorded with a cell phone in all likelihood. Check out the other videos (at bottom) where the sound quality is better :)

Just What I Needed (Fillmore)

One of the ones off their new album (I think) (Fillmore)

Now for some of the classics, with better sound quality. 

LET'S GO (Not at the Fillmore)

My Best Friend's Girl (Not at the Fillmore)

If you don't love them already, I hope you love them now! 

Just a little bit, off the wall...

Fall of the Machines

Television and internet, for some reason, have saturated me with Judgment Day and the potential impending doom of humankind this week. Terminator 2 and Terminator Salvation have been running on various channels. I read an article about animal cyborg technology. And then there are all the people insisting that the world is going to end on May 21st.
    It's hard to take anyone seriously who attempts to predict the future. No one can see all the factors that play into each moment that happens. There are simply too many. So it's not easy to believe people who are predicting the zombie apocalypse, judgment day, the rapture, or any other end-of-the-world scenario. The world is just too complicated to believe that we can know not only that there will be some single event that puts an end to all of it, but that we can know when it's going to happen.
    But, I digress. My main focus of discussion was going to be the rise of the machines thing. Maybe there's no August 29, 1997 where the machines become self aware and decide to devastate the entire human race, but the rapid advance of technology does occasionally make me worry about stuff like this. We're probably years, even decades, away (if the nutjobs are wrong and the world does in fact last that long) from being able to create the kind of robots or cyborgs or whatever that could cause that kind of destruction, but it doesn't even have to go that far. One group or collective could gain this kind of technology and only wipe out part of the human race. A particularly threatening part that does not fit into their world domination agenda.
    I'm not arguing for a god of any kind, but there is a line that ought not to be crossed by humans, mainly because we're not gods, no matter how much technology we develop or how insurmountable our powers may become. With some things, I think we need to let sleeping dogs lie. And some technology, like mind control stuff and creating robots or computers that can think for themselves, may seem cool and amazing at first, but it's one of those things that may turn out to be more dangerous and unpredictable than we imagined. There's a reason Planet of the Apes and the Terminator movies are scary--if that ever happened, we would really be up shit's creek trying to undo what was done because it took on a mind of its own and became something we could no longer control.
    Cars, airplanes, cell phones and MP3 players are all useful bits of technology that we can be thankful for. And while such things as cars that drive themselves and cell phones that can predict the next words out of your mouth (thereby being able to make your calls for you) may sound pretty cool, we need to know when to stop, when we're about to go too far. What worries me is we either don't know those things, or we don't care. I hope that we do make that distinction when the time comes, and that we make the right choice. Because I really would rather not die at the hands of a terminator.

Hasta la vista, baby.

Unlucky 13

It always seems that Friday the 13th occurs in May or in October. It could be a centuries old ploy for Hollywood to be able to release summer blockbusters and horror movies at strategic times, but since they didn't have movies when the modern calendar system was created, this is unlikely.
    Being a philosophy major, and an overall practical person, I don't like to be superstitious. Or, rather, I don't like to tell people that I'm superstitious. While I have some unusual ones that have their origins in the over-active imagination of my childhood, I also have some of the more common ones. I have a pair of lucky socks. I generally avoid cracks in the sidewalk. I throw spilled salt over my left shoulder. I knock on wood--quite frequently, actually. And I would never walk under a ladder. I do like black cats, though...
    Why would a generally rational and practical person do such ridiculous things? I don't really honestly think it will make a difference if I didn't knock on wood, but the heart of superstition is that "just in case" factor. Just in case I might jinx myself, I knock on wood. And while I don't think my socks are actually lucky, despite having shamrocks and horseshoes all over them, a few lucky things have happened to me while wearing them. However, a few unlucky things have happened to me while wearing them as well. And you'd think that would completely disintegrate my theory about their luckiness, but part of being superstitious is the fact that you ignore the facts. You ignore contrary evidence to your superstition because you'd rather be "safe than sorry" by continuing the behavior than stopping it.
    Another element to this is, perhaps, superstitions give us a feeling of control. We can control our fate by throwing the spilled salt over our shoulder. We can prevent bad luck by knocking on wood. This, of course, is rubbish. But we still do it. Because just in case something bad happens, it wasn't our fault.
    Obsessive compulsive disorder causes superstitious behavior that you can't get rid of. Light switches, door locks, and other commonplace activities take on a new meaning when you have to use them a certain number of times to avoid bad luck.
    I won't go off on a rant here, but much of religion, any religion, contains superstitions up the wazoo. Seriously, people once thought that a woman was a witch if she didn't sink when they threw her in the river. If that's not superstition, I don't know what is.
    I can't say I'm arguing for or against superstition. In some cases, it's harmless. In other cases, if taken too seriously, it can be a little dicey. So, once again, the key is moderation. Superstition, if you really can't avoid it, is permissible, I suppose, as long as it's done in moderation. But if you get to the overkill phase of superstition where you can't leave a room without flicking the light switch 39 times, you may want to consider therapy.

Happy Friday! (I hope.)

Twitter Down?? Sacrilege!

Twitter went down today. It keeps bringing up messages saying things like "overload". I don't use Twitter myself, though one of my coworkers in particular considers it a one-stop resource for everything you could possibly want to know about anything, but I know a lot of the people I follow on Facebook actually tweet their status updates, and something like HootSuite or another service posts their tweets on Facebook. (I find this hilarious. They don't want to use Facebook, but feel like they have to for publicity reasons, so they just link their Twitter account to their Facebook account. Is it laziness? I can't say for sure.)
    I cannot even imagine the outrage, frustration and outcry Twitter loyalists are experiencing today. It seems like it must be even worse than being without internet, which I don't understand, but will grant them. It's no fun being out of the loop. But at least everyone else is out of the loop too, so that ought to soften the blow. Ought to.
    Is this piece of information going to be beaten to death and reported and re-reported ad infinitum until something else (horrible?) happens that gets everyone talking? I don't know the answer to that one either. But for now, I'm just glad I don't have a Twitter account (yet) or else I'd be one of the many people freaking out and having a meltdown today because I had to go without it for a few hours. Apologies for the short post, but I had to revel a little bit in all the misery that's going on because of this, because for once, it didn't happen to me.

Tweet this. Oh wait, you can't :P

An Apology for Television

I will first offer an apology, in the most common usage of the word, for television. Quite a large amount of television these days, frankly, sucks. The advent of reality TV has brought us dating shows, American Idol, Sarah Palin, Skating with the Stars, Celebrity Apprentice, and many of the other useless, ridiculous programming that is somewhat entertaining for some, but mostly just annoying and pointless for the rest of us. TV also has way too many cooking, news, and sports shows than anyone could possibly watch, and informercials still dominate the airwaves (or whatever they call them now with digital TV) after midnight on many channels.
    Granted, TV can rot your brain. But this is only if you watch crap like the following: The View, followed by court TV, soap operas, gameshows, reruns of Gunsmoke and Bonanza, and then your cocktail of Dancing with the Stars, Sarah Palin, and Extreme Home Makeover all day long. (This is all not even taking into account all the horrible commercials they show during these shows.) These are nothing but frivolous people doing frivolous things trying to make them seem important and relevant, and even helpful to the rest of us, even though they never will be any of those things.
    Modern television is more than these. I know and wholeheartedly believe this. I attribute much of my widespread knowledge to my lifelong love for television, although much of this knowledge is often only useful for trivia like Jeopardy questions. There are dramas, crime dramas, doctor dramas, courtroom dramas, comedies, and there are nonfiction shows like some that the Discovery Channel, History Channel, and PBS have--there is more programming out there than anyone could ever watch. But the point here is that television is not just a means to make yourself stupider, though unfortunately, that is what many people are choosing to do, and what many of the television companies and broadcasters are trying to make us choose to do.
    So, I offer an apology for television, that is, an apology in the original sense of the word--a defense. You must realize that you can learn from TV. It may be historical facts, it may be news and current events, or it may just be how people act and react when they're in certain situations. But television can help you learn. Books and newspapers may be a better choice when it comes to learning, but for those of us who are very visual learners, sometimes seeing a visual representation and having a narrator tell us what a book might tell us helps the information sink in better. TV is only bad for you if you let it be. You can choose to use TV to increase neuron connections or to sever them.
    Television is entertaining--that's not going to change. And I do watch it primarily for entertainment, I won't lie. But it is the source for about 50% of my current events and news knowledge as well. Most of the history facts I've retained are from movies and television programs too. And my sensitivity to people's emotions and sensibilities (though that may not always be apparent here) is due to watching how people interact on TV. Maybe it's given me a slightly skewed view of reality, but I've lived a little and adjusted those views as has been necessary.
    In a final defense of television, it's never just the TV, or the video games, or the books, or the movies, that make people dumb or violent or irrational. People do that on their own by taking the aforementioned media sources too seriously and deifying them into something they never should have been and never meant to be. So, give the reality TV a rest once in a while, and check out the news or the History Channel or something sometime. You might learn something, and get to sound really smart at the next barbecue you go to.

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