Are Nice People Too Nice?

  Nice people make excellent doormats. Nice people let mean people get away with stuff they shouldn't. Nice people are too nice to trample other people's toes, or call you out on a mistake in front of other people, if they do it at all. I think the majority of people fall somewhere in between the truly nice people and the truly mean people. We don't take advantage of other people too often and we will put our foot (feet?) down when the occasion calls for it. But nice people just want to help everyone. They want to make everyone feel good. They want everything to end happily. Some people might call this kind of idealism and optimism weak or stupid, but I don't think it's either of those. Nice people are nice because they can't be any other way. But, herein we have the rub: how do we differentiate between truly nice people and phony nice people?
    The phony nice people are hard to spot. They put on such a good face for so much of their lives that they almost convince themselves they are nice. But the difference is that the phonies have ulterior motives. They aren't nice for niceness's sake--they're nice because they want the promotion or they want you to scratch their back someday when the karma comes around, or some other less than entirely altruistic reason. These people can sometimes be even worse than mean people because they may be manipulating you without you even knowing it.
    The real nice people, we know who they are, will do everything because they want to. Because they care. They'll always offer you a soda if they're getting one for themselves. They'll always hold the door. They always say "Gesundheit" or "bless you" when you sneeze. They worry for your soul escaping from your body when you have an allergy cold and can't stop sneezing. That's true compassion. They may get put down and laughed at, taken advantage of and overwhelmed, but they will keep doing what they're doing because they can't imagine saying no or making a misstep in their manners and overall kind and generous demeanor.
We also have the people who hate themselves for being so nice. They wish they could be mean. They wish they could exhibit some level of dominance and say no once in a while. These people worry too much about what others think. They know people think they're too yielding. They know people call them a doormat. But they can't help being nice. If you are a truly nice person, you should accept it, embrace it, and learn that most people appreciate someone who cares more than someone who can assert some authority.
    But are the nice people too nice? I can't stand morning people. Morning people are usually nice people. They're too cheerful at an hour that seems impossible to me to be cheerful during. Nice people tend to make me feel bad that I'm not that nice. But I don't care about the same things. I want to get along with people and I want people to like and appreciate me, but I'm not going to say "bless you" when you sneeze because that's one of those mannerisms or superstitions I never bought into. It's a sneeze, a few moments in your chest and out your nose and mouth. It's not your soul trying to escape. (The origin of saying bless you is because people used to--or still do, apparently--think your soul would escape when you sneezed if someone didn't bless you.) Sante or salud might make more sense--to your health, because yes, you're sick, that's why you're sneezing. But I digress, as usual.
    Even if morning people make me cringe a little bit sometimes, I'd still rather be around people that are too nice, genuinely or not, than people who suck. Clearly, I'm a little over-tired, and I probably rambled on a bit about something that mean not mean a whole lot in the grand scheme of things, but self-deprecation is not an attractive quality either, so I'll knock it off. Being nice is good karma, whether you believe in karma or not, and it's always preferable to being an asshole.

Just be yourself. Odds are, someone will like you in spite of it.

Yes, You're Still In the Right Place!

This is what happens when I have too much time on my hands. The site looks a little different, no? Well, it should. Because it is. I didn't take anything away (I don't think...), but everything is definitely in a different place. I was going to do this redesign a couple months ago, but I was worried people wouldn't recognize it. As there are so few returning visitors, I think (hope) you'll find your way around again.
    So, at the very least, you may want to check out the About Me page. I added on to what was originally in the About the Author box. (I hope that link isn't broken. The URL didn't change after I changed the title of the page.
    I hope you like it. Those of you who knew what it looked like before. Comments?

I hope new means improved. This time, anyway.

Motives, Reasons and Productivity

What an amazingly unproductive weekend! I finally got my hair cut, which I've been meaning to do for about a month. But when I sat down to do homework, I worked out how much each assignment would take me, approximately, and discovered I had about 11 hours of homework to do this weekend (though not all of it is due Monday, I will probably not find eleven hours during the week to complete it). This was so overwhelming, it may have set me up for the procrastination that followed. I started off with the assignment due soonest, and it managed to put me to sleep after five pages of reading. When I woke up about 45 minutes later, that pretty much shot my motivation on the homework front. I spent the rest of the day writing and watching hockey. But I did get back to my exercise routine for the first time in weeks, so that's all right.
    Today was much of the same. Went out to breakfast, ate way too much of several things that did me absolutely no good with regard to my healthy eating plan. Watched more hockey. Headed to a birthday BBQ at my boyfriend's family's house. Did no homework once again, despite being REALLY far behind now.
On the other hand, it was quite productive personally, if not scholastically. Hair cut: check. Writing: check. Hockey: check. IHOP: check. Exercise: check. Plus, I got my first birthday present. A TV. Yeah. Totally blown away. it is a couple years old and previously owned, but it's quite an update for me. I'm still using the tube TV I got for my brithday about ten years ago. So, in that light, it was quite a productive weekend, aside from the whole homework fiasco.
    Productivity is so closely tied to motivation, but motivation is a tricky thing. It depends on so many different factors. Motivation to do something may depend on money, how afraid you are of the consequences of not doing it, obligations of various kinds, the thing you're doing could be a means to an end, or you could just be motivated to do something because it makes you feel good in one way or another. Sometimes one type of motivation isn't enough to make you do something. Sure, I feel obligated to show up to class, but I do also enjoy my class, so I'll go to it. Exercise is good for me and will help me lose those stubborn last 5 pounds, but it also makes me feel good afterward, even though the during part is somewhat strenuous and un-fun. But even with the proper motivation, sometimes we still avoid actually doing things.
    While some productivity is good--the kind that helps you be a better, healthier, more intelligent, more prepared person, or the kind that pays the rent--other kinds of productivity can be bad. Working 80 hours a week may make you money and get you on good terms with your boss, but it's going to wreak havoc on your sleep schedule and your social life. (Like it or not, positive human interaction is a necessary part of your physical and psychological well-being.) So, even if you do have the right practical reasons to do some things, there are always further considerations to be made.
    Surprising how we managed to get from not doing homework to healthy forms of productivity so quickly, but that's how it seems to go when we do a sort of stream of consciousness writing. I probably could have spent more time going into the difference between reasons and motives, but being aware that there is a difference, and knowing when you have both or neither, can be a useful decision-making tool.

Having motivation is not equivalent to having a reason.