Say Hello To My Little Friend

  If anybody needs to talk gun control, Tony Montana is one of them. But, in light of recent events, I figured I'd throw my hand in as well. I'm referring specifically to the movie theater shooting  that occurred in Aurora, Colorado at the midnight premiere of the new Batman movie, The Dark Knight Rises. While I didn't know any of the victims or their families, this hit me a little too close for three reasons: 1) Aurora's not too far away from where I live; 2) I am a major Batman fan; 3) I love the movies and the movie theater.
    I think what bothered me most about the incident was that it took place in a movie theater. The movie theater to me is like my home away from home. I have seen so many beautiful movies and met so many amazing characters in the movie theater. I've laughed, I've cried, I've been on the edge of my seat. I saw LOTR Two Towers seven times on the big screen. It's my safe haven when I'm having a crappy week or when I'm stressed out; the one place I think to go that will make me feel better is to the movies. All that changed when some guy decided to murder a bunch of people inside a theater.
    As to the guy, I don't think he's crazy the way some people think he is. I don't think he wasn't crazy like he had voices in his head or he was abused as a kid. I think he knew exactly what he was doing and he obviously planned it out pretty thoroughly. In short, I have serious doubts about his insanity plea. It seems to me that he's overacting trying to get people to believe it. However, having said that, there is the possibility that he was "manic" in the sense of being obsessive. Maybe he was so obsessed with the previous movie that he wanted to act it out. That's an explanation, but in my book, it doesn't make him crazy enough to use an insanity defense. Mental illness doesn't always make someone incompetent or ignorant of what they're doing. In this case, I don't think that he ought to be able to use mental illness as a defense even if mental illness is the explanation for his actions.
    The big issues that came out of this event were gun control and movie censorship. Even after something like this, I don't believe censorship is the answer. It's not Hollywood's responsibility to limit their storytelling because of a few idiots or crazy people that take their stories a little too seriously. It's the individual's responsibility. I may not take Independence Day as proof of extraterrestrial life, but that doesn't mean I should ignore that guy over there who does take it as proof. To offer a comparison, we don't ban the Bible when someone says God told him to kill somebody. (Think about it before you think about berating me in the comments for that one.)
    We as a society have become so out of touch with each other that we allow--yes, allow--this type of thing to happen. We all go around thinking: sure, I have a creepy neighbor or a creepy classmate but it's not MY problem. It's somebody else's problem. It's their problem. You know what I have to say to that: wise up. There are just too damn many of us for us to ignore someone who we think might be dangerous or have a problem because we think that, if we ignore them, they'll just go away. I'm not talking about a witch hunt--that would be entirely counterproductive and probably cause more situations like this than there already are. I'm saying that we have to take it upon ourselves to be responsible citizens--responsible for our fellow humanity, no matter how weird, creepy or dangerous we think they are, and try to get them the help they need. Whether it's just saying hello to someone who feels invisible or whether it's telling the landlord that the person in 6B just walked in with a bunch of rope and gasoline, we have to stop thinking that all of the bad things in the world are somebody else's problem. They're not. They're everybody's problem.
    I didn't want to get into the gun control thing too much because I don't have a whole lot of background on the issue to take sides. Yes, guns are dangerous. On the other hand, people who know how to use them in times of crisis can save lives. However, it seems ridiculous to me that someone can buy all the stuff to stage a miniature Armageddon on the internet. People hide behind their computer screens, once again, thinking it's not their problem if they sell the bullet that killed a kid at a movie somewhere six states over. Tell you what, ammunition wholesale guy: it is your effing problem. Maybe 99.99% of the people you sell to use their weapons for recreational use and all their ammunition ends up in a bunch of beer cans in a field somewhere. But that other, albeit, minor percentage of people you sell to who do use their weapons and their ammunition for violence are your problem too. Even if only in a karmic sense.
    I don't have all the answers. I don't know if the government should impose stricter laws on gun sales or background checks or whatever. I don't know if it would make a difference. What I believe is that when it comes to a gray area like guns and gun control, it comes to each individual as to what the right thing to do is. Sell to the suspicious guy in the trench coat or don't. Tell a teacher or a cop or a doctor or whoever about a person's overzealous ambition to be just like Don Corleone, or keep it to yourself (sidenote: no disrespect whatsoever meant to Brando or Coppola, but the don was a bad dude).
    When something like this happens, we have to stop trying to place blame. Oh, it was his parents' fault or it was the movie's fault, or it was the law's fault that it happened. It could be a result of one, all three, or none of them, but even if all those things went along right as they were supposed to, it's still up to each of us to take the initiative and protect our fellow human beings, whether they are the would-be victims or the would-be perpetrators in such a violent scene. I'm not trying to blame anyone for why this happened, or why I now feel like a rat in a cage when I sit down in a movie theater. I'm not saying anyone could have or should have done anything different. But in the future, we can keep in mind the possibility that if we make it our problem, if we offer up a little more care and compassion towards friends and weirdos alike, we can change how things turn out--hopefully for the better.

TDKR was good--you should see it if you haven't done so yet.

The Worst Kinds of People

  I read an article today about the worst kinds of coworkers to have, the loud mouth, the bad influence, the rival, the downer, etc., and it got me thinking about people I know who are like this. Not necessarily coworkers, as I have pretty awesome coworkers, but just people I've known or that I know now who are people I probably shouldn't know.
    As far as someone who talks too much, I'm probably guilty of that one. I don't blab other people's secrets. Not secrets. I do have a tendency to overshare my own thoughts, and sometimes, when it's really good news or really juicy gossip, I have a really hard time not sharing it. Sometimes it's just with my boyfriend, and he doesn't really count because he doesn't talk about anything I tell him to other people, but sometimes it's sharing with my coworkers, and I probably shouldn't share all the stuff I do with them. There are some things that, because we work together, probably should be kept to myself.
    Bad influences, I know a few of those people. The ones that tell you to skip class to go to the brewery, the ones that talk you into coming to that party you didn't want to go to because it was going to be nothing but a bunch of people you don't know drinking stuff you don't want to drink, the ones that convince you to hang out or go do things that you don't have the money to do just because it sounds like so much fun. I think we all have this bone in our bodies--we all do a little peer pressuring from time to time, whether it's something little or something big. The difference is that we aren't the pusher all the time. Some people are always going to dare you to do the thing you know you shouldn't be doing because they have a little danger streak that they want to share.
    Overly competitive people--I was in IB in high school. I didn't finish, but I knew my fair share of overly competitive people. The ones that will always ask what you got on your test and caw happily when they find out they got one point better. (I did enjoy doing better than other people, I just didn't say it out loud that I got the better grade or that I was proud of myself for having gotten it.) The people who will always turn in the paper a week early and stick their hand up first to get their answer in. The only person I think I've ever really competed with is myself. I'll admit, I am a little competitive at work. I want to get my good idea in first, and I want my creativity to shine over everyone else's when I get the chance to. But I'm not the most creative person there, and I don't have the experience with certain aspects of the job that other people do, which limits me in some respects, and it means that that chance to shine doesn't come around as often as it used to when I was in school, getting grades.
    The downer is that person that can always find something negative to say about whatever happens or whatever else is said. I have DEFINITELY known people like this. It's really unfortunate because they're usually decent people, they just have an overly pessimistic outlook on life and people and the world. I have days where everything sucks--I think you'd have to be an automaton if you didn't have days like that at least sometimes, however infrequent. But some people are just distrustful, angry, regretful, and unhappy people that live by the adage misery loves company. These are probably the worst ones on this list because they bring everyone else down too, whether they mean to or not.
    I guess the point here is that while we all may be a little bit like these personalities from time to time, the point is not to be any one of them ALL the time. And maybe to be more like a few other personalities some of the time too--the encourager, the shoulder to lean on, the back-up, the giver--to balance everything out. (Sidenote: Using the new Blogger Interface right now. It's clean, and I like the posting part, LOVE the posting part, but the dashboard is weird. Too clean, too few buttons. Hard to find what you want.)

Be ambitious but not a shark. 

Be realistic not pessimistic. 

Be honest but not tactless. 

What kind of person do YOU think is the worst? 

Or... are you secretly one of them?

Share in the comments. 

Nonconformity Is Not Always Rebellion

So, I just saw the new X-Men movie: awesome.
    But there's a deeper point to this one than just lots of action, cool special effects, and pretty people fighting each other. I don't want to read too much into it, but the premise of the X-Men has always been about conformity or nonconformity. Whether to fit in or rebel. Coexist or take over. The conflict is always present, and the decision at hand is something that is terribly relevant for anyone having an identity crisis or experiencing a coming of age, which is one reason the comic book was so popular with young people.
    We may not be quite as unusual as the mutants in the film are, but we all have had that moment or era in life (and if you haven't, don't worry, it's coming) where we had to decide to go along with the status quo or speak out against it. Sometimes this speaking out is peaceable, and sometimes it's violent or disruptive.
    Personally, I can only go along with some things for so long. Eventually, I have to put my foot down and say: this isn't working anymore; or no, I'm not going to do this. But all too often, we conform almost without thinking about it. Or we conform directly as a result of not thinking about it.
    I think we should stop that. Stop not thinking and start thinking. What do you think about the issues? Not what does your favorite television personality think about it, what do YOU think about it? If you come to the conclusion, after careful and deliberate consideration, that you do agree with your TV actor/commentator's opinion after all, fine, but at least you gave it some thought and can back up your reasoning.
    Conformity is about many things. In high school, it's about wearing certain clothes, listening to certain music, watching certain TV shows, or other things that are focused on your appearance, style and likes/dislikes. As a grown up, sometimes it's still about these things, but because your microcosm now extends a little farther beyond yourself, you have to worry about other things. Politics (even if you think you don't care), economics, society. Like it or not, it's important to think about these other things. We can't be egocentric forever.
    Coexistence with people we disagree with is necessary. Just because we don't all agree on things doesn't mean we have to eliminate the opposition. That is called fascism. And we should probably try to avoid that direction. But coexistence doesn't mean we have to keep our mouths shut. We can still argue for what we think and believe in. If we have our opinions, but keep them to ourselves, it's just as bad as not thinking about things and not having opinions, because then a certain group of people can make all the important decisions about politics, society, economics, etc, on their terms.
    Make up your mind and make a stand. It may not always seem like it makes a difference, but it could make all the difference.

Caring is not creepy.

A Closer Look at Memorial Day

  Memorial Day has never meant that much to me. I don't know any really patriotic people. And I don't know anyone who makes a big deal about being a veteran or anything like that. For me, for the aforementioned reasons, Memorial Day has pretty much just been another day off from school and/or work. But it does mean a lot to a lot of people. According to Wikipedia, it began after the Civil War to honor the Union soldiers who had died during the war, and eventually came to be a day to remember all those who served in the armed forces and died in the wars that our country has seen over the years.
    But patriotism has its place, and so today, I think I'll pontificate a bit about why this shouldn't just be another day.
    Part of remembering the past is to help change things and make them better for the future. So, in that respect, remembering everyone that died during the wars of the past century, two World Wars, Vietnam, Korea, and still going--Afghanistan and Iraq--(plus any others that my limited 20th century US history education has not made me aware of) is not only about remembering those who sacrificed their lives for their country, but trying to make it so that that sacrifice is not necessary in the future.
    Let's all laugh at the pacifist who wants world peace and an end to all wars. Done yet? Ok, I'll go on.
    Wars are ugly and expensive and they kill people, people you may know. And yes, it would be nice if we could solve things with diplomacy and words instead of machine guns and bombs. But as much as humanity wants to keep things civil, and remain entitled to call itself humanity, we continue to take the easy way out. Yes, war is the easy way out. Talking is hard. It takes time. And we may have to come back and say what we want to say or change what we want to say several times, or dozens of times, before we get it right. (Wars have a nasty habit of enduring and taking a lot longer than intended, too, but for some reason, people continue to overlook that detail when comparing it to diplomacy...)
    People think talking doesn't work because many times, people lie or go back on their word. And many other times, people don't even want to listen to each other. Not wanting to listen makes diplomacy pretty difficult. But taking a long time trying to talk and be heard is a better alternative, a more human alternative, to giving up and just sending a bunch of people over to an unfamiliar place and telling them to shoot people.
    So, Memorial Day ought to be not only a day of remembrance, but a day of hope. Hope that mankind can learn to man up and solve its problems without that kind of violence that makes days like Memorial Day necessary.

Peace, love, and bean sprouts.

[Kuhn-flikt]ing [Kon-flikt]s

Conflict has several meanings. One is when two things disagree, like two people having an argument about something. Another is for them not only to disagree, but to struggle or clash with one another. Often, we use it as an adjective--"to be conflicted about" something.
    Conflict, like anger, grief, or love, is not an easy feeling to experience. Anger, grief and love are directed toward others, but conflict is something that happens within ourselves. Conflict, similarly, is related to ambivalence. As you have a choice of which side of the conflict you want to give in to, you also have a choice between two things you are uncertain about when you are ambivalent. Ambivalence does not mean indifference--but rather, both actions are holding their own and you are uncertain about which is the better course to take. Conflict can lead to the uncertainty of ambivalence, or vice versa.
    Unfortunately, things don't resolve themselves. Sooner or later, we have to pick a side, choose a lane, to move on with our lives. It's never an easy decision, but it always comes to that. Sometimes the conflict fades, and we are left with only the stronger of the options. But more often, or perhaps it only seems that way because it is these instances that stand out more in memory, the conflict builds until it reaches a crescendo or climax, at which point it is impossible to maintain the status quo. When that climax appears, you have to take a step in one direction or the other, or else the whole mess blows up in your face.
    We can be conflicted about tons of things. Should we get a bigger apartment/house? Do I need a new job? Should we have another kid? Should I try tap dance lessons or sculpture classes? What kind of car should I get? Caesar or house salad? Steak or chicken? Some conflicts are smaller, but some are life-altering.

The point, dear readers, is this: 

You can't go through life always wondering which side of the field is greener. 

You have to, at some point, pick a side.
Going back and forth is exhausting, and you can't be in two places at once.

No one wants to live in conflict, and yet, we still don't want to choose one side for fear that it's the wrong one. We like to leave our options open. We like being able  to pick from fifteen brands of jeans and twenty kinds of spaghetti sauce. Options are nice to have. But when they come into conflict, leaving you only two courses of action, options can be more of a burden than a blessing.

The grass may be greener on this side of the field, but that side has the beer.