Of Cultural Norms and Ridiculous Gender Standards

  Today, I wanted to focus on a particularly ridiculous piece of news I came across recently. A court in Iowa ruled that it was legal for a dentist to fire his dental assistant for being "irresistible." Apparently her clothing and behavior was deemed inappropriate, by the dentist or possibly his wife, and he anticipated that he might experience an infidelity in his marriage if they continued to work together. I find this ruling so typically midwest, and so incredibly offensive to women everywhere.
    First of all, the woman worked there for ten years. If she had been acting or dressing inappropriately, it seems such an issue would have had precedent. A jealous spouse or a wandering spouse are no reason to fire someone who has performed their duties correctly and loyally for such a long time. Granted, I don't know the full details of the case or have photographs or anything to judge whether the woman was actually in the wrong, but I'm going to speak to the principle of the matter.
    It is not the fault of one person for another's insecurities or inability to remain loyal to their partner. If this woman were coming to work in low cut tops or really short skirts, see-through blouses or bending over more obviously than is necessary to pick up a file or a pencil, that would be one thing, but it's a dentist's office. I was under the impression that most dental assistants, as well as hygienists and dentists themselves, wear scrubs. At least they do at my dentist's office. It's the administrative people, the file clerks and receptionists, who are supposed to wear the business professional or business casual attire which might offer more freedom and opportunity to dress inappropriately.
    The frustrating thing is, once again, it's the word of one person in a position of power versus the word of another person who is in a position to be fired. Sexual harassment is supposed be under a strict "no tolerance" policy at pretty much every job in the country. It should make no different whether the harasser is a supervisor or not, and yet, office politics and issues like gender bias seem to always place the blame on the person lowest on the totem pole.
    "Oh, s/he dressed too provocatively, I couldn't help it," the higher up person says. You know what? No. If you have no self-control, that's your problem. You don't get to get away with this just because you can't keep it in your pants. And you know what, spouse/partner of no-self-control person? This won't be the last time this happens. You can demand they fire every good-looking employee in the office and they will always find a way back into the gutter. Firing others doesn't address whatever the real problem is in the relationship, and there usually is a relationship problem if the spouse is requesting the firing.
    Speaking up about harassment in the workplace is important, whether you're a man or woman, though unfortunately, it is often women who experience it. Whether your coworker or boss comments in an offensive or inappropriate way how nicely those jeans fit you, whether they make sexually or otherwise inappropriate jokes, whether they look at porn on their computer when you happen to show up for a meeting--whatever the case may be, it's important to let the right people (HR or whoever is in charge of enforcing the policy) know about it.
    If you put up with it when you're uncomfortable with the words, attention, or actions, even if they're not particularly offensive to you, you're just letting the negative environment propagate. If it makes you a narc, so be it. You have to do what you feel is right, regardless of politics or the ridiculous possibility that you may lose your job in the process. I say "ridiculous" because coming forward with something like this should never cause you concern for your job security. It's ridiculous that things still work that way in the 21st century.
    You are entitled to a safe, harassment-free, and healthy work environment. Your job may still suck, your coworkers still may not pull their weight, and you may never get that ergonomic chair or mouse you requested, but at least you don't have to put up with demeaning or offensive attitudes when you're just trying to earn a living.

Fight for your right
to a healthy work environment.

NHL: Get Your Priorities Straight

A fight during last night's game,
via Denver's Facebook page

  I've been checking out some local minor league hockey games lately because of the NHL lockout that has persisted through three months of what would have been the regular season. The team here is actually pretty good--the games are fun to watch, and the atmosphere is pretty entertaining. Yet, it's not quite the same. I miss watching hockey on TV, and I miss the pace of NHL hockey. These games are a little more lawless--the refs seem to play favorites even more than in the NHL, meaning guys get away with stuff a lot more often.
    Some of the entertainment (contests, t-shirt tosses, giveaways, etc.) is a little cheesy, but it's all in good fun. The way the arena is set up, it's more like a football game than a hockey game, and it allows for more entertainment options than a game at the other ice arena. the mascot gets a lot more involved. The entire experience is much more personal than an NHL game, but somehow, the NHL games are more exciting. There's more at stake, and the players stand out more.

Angry hockey fans, via CBC

    All of which makes the lockout all the more upsetting. These guys are douchebags dividing up all this money and they are just being greedy. I would rather support a smaller team by attending the games because they can't fill the house. Not even close. They play even though they don't make millions of dollars a year. They get whacked in the face with a stick more often because the refs don't call as much and there's no league calling for major reprimands and fines when it happens.
    So, if Bettman gets off his ass and does his job to protect the SPORT and not the owners, if everyone involved realizes that the fans care about the sport, and won't want to support a game or a team that shows it's more interested in their money than their entertainment, maybe the season can be salvaged. If not, I'll be happy to see it come back next fall. But I will be doing it from my couch at home.
    I am not paying continually higher ticket prices, abominable concessions and merch prices, plus extra for parking at the fancy arena, to go see a team who continues to send the message that their paychecks are more important than the game, than the fans. You don't need $2 million a year to get by. You don't need an 80 thousand dollar car. You don't need two houses or fifty thousand dollar pieces of jewelry. If that's more important than the game, go be an investment banker. Go open a corporation that makes jumbotrons. But don't participate in a sport that means so much to so many people and pretend like you care about more than those matching Rolexes for your birthday.

Get your mind of your money and your money off your mind.

Social Media Attacks

  Book review, sort of, this week: I just finished reading a book called The 50 Megaton Tweet, by R.C. Wade. It's an interesting perspective on the power and prevalence of social media in the modern world. The premise is that somebody sends a tweet saying that the US President has been killed while on an overseas trip, and the entire world descends into chaos as pictures and videos of the incident appear, seemingly as proof of the horrific encounter.
    It seems a little far-fetched, or does it? Many people rely on social media for their news source these days, and people learn about important events, deaths, and more through social media before the news programs air their broadcasts. The story asks people to take responsibility for their responses when it comes to using social media--to check their sources and not just idly retweet and spread a message without knowing for sure if it's true.
    However, something like an April Fool's prank can go viral in a matter of minutes because of how fast and accessible social media is. The book asks you to take a look at an extreme example of social media getting out of control and doing some real damage.
    While some of the events seem to be over-reaching as to what might happen in the real world, the prose is eerily realistic, sounding almost like a news report, throughout the book. For $0.99, it's a pretty good read and it definitely makes you think about the role of social media in society and how it affects people's perception of the world.
    In one respect, I agree with the book: people need to take responsibility for their actions, especially if it was prompted by something that isn't necessarily true, like a (SPOILER) hoax tweet.

Think before you speak, and tweet.

Sweet Exhaustion - Er, Victory

  What a rough month! Writing this novel was like pulling teeth! Truly a labor of love, I guess. Novel completed just a short while ago, with the final word count at: 50,748, based on Nano's word counter (MS Word is about a hundred or so words extra--though I have no idea where it could possibly be pulling them from...). Winner's badge now on the sidebar, and doesn't it look so snazzy ;)
    Surprises: My main character got married--something I never thought she'd do. She also ended up with the guy I didn't think she was going to end up with. I managed to make the best friend pregnant, instead of the main character like I usually do for whatever reason--it is an excellent word count padding technique when used appropriately, though. And I finished! This was the first year I doubted finishing, just a little, though I was determined to finish anyway, come hell or high water. I'm just a little surprised i finished because I had to write the last 25 thousand words within the last week alone because I had fallen so far behind during the earlier part of the month.
    In other news, work just got really busy! I felt like I've been hit with something new to add to my to-do list almost by the hour, and the to-dos I had at the beginning of the week are now being pushed further and further down the list. But, I'm always glad to be busy than unbusy! My boss hesitated to ask me to write a 1400 word piece (or rather, several of them) yesterday, and I was like, 1400 words? No sweat. I'm about to reach 50k on a novel. Now that I have, I no longer fear word count. I never really was bothered by it before--I only hesitated if it was a topic I wasn't too familiar with. But now, I really have no fear of it. 1000 words? Five? Ten, you say? Let me at 'em!
    I feel like I've become inordinately cheesy, and I'm going to blame some of the people I've been dealing with at work recently. Cheesy and clever are not the same thing, and I hope that because I'm able to recognize the difference, I will be able to strike the cheesy element down and continue with my previous quippy, sarcastic, and hopefully occasionally humorous tone.
    While I'm not counting my chickens on new winner's goodies from Nano this year, I'm hoping for something new that I will actually put to use this time. Free stuff is always best, but discounts are ok if it's on something I really want. I have not taken advantage of my winner's goodies too much in the past, and I'd like to do so this year, but only if it doesn't make me feel poor or irresponsible for buying something I don't really need...
    Also, getting better at skiing. I've been twice, and despite the cold and wind, I think I'm improving. I've been told I'm improving. However, I may have been told a few too many times, because the first day I went up, I did so great on the bunny hill, that I thought I was ready for a regular hill. Unfortunately I was taken up the highest damn hill they had open, and my overconfidence and decreased fear of falling got me going WAY too fast and I couldn't stop. I wiped out hard, broke my goggles, and got a nosebleed. I didn't break my nose or my leg or anything, and didn't get a concussion, I don't think, but that was terrifying. I think I better stick to the bunny hill a few more days before I take on another hill. (Also, icy conditions plus me as a beginner do not mix.) In any case, I don't think my fall ruined me. Just humbled me. It's the boyfriend/teacher's fault--he kept saying how good I was doing. And picked the large hill with the never ending chair lift ride.
    Anyway, Happy End of November to All, and to all a good night! And if you participated in no shave November this year, shave!

My eyes are killing me. 

A nap, perchance... 

Then again, hockey's on! 

What else is new with you? Did you participate in Nano? Did you win? 

Have you had unseasonally early snowfall in your neck of the woods? 

Whatever. Comments are open!

Overwhelmed But Flattered

  I was taken to an almost impromptu lunch yesterday (meaning I didn't know about it until that morning) and offered what might be considered a promotion. Good news, right? I was scared shitless the entire time they were talking about it. It felt kind of like an ambush, as I had no idea that that's what the lunch would be about. My coworker and I were both taken out and offered a similar position, added responsiblity, added stress, and a pay increase, though no mention was made as to how much that would be.
    My one year review was today, it was positive, and I did get a raise (yay!). But my concern was not even really how much the raise would have been for. It was more the added stress and added responsiblity that I was not sure I was ready for. It would be additional content management for our new site, which I was expecting, and the possibility of training an intern and supervising them directly, both of which I know I can handle. The thing I was wavering on had to do with the "project management" thing, which was the title that came with the promotion. Part of this position would have included me having to manage my coworkers' tasks and check on their progress on those tasks and projects, on top of doing my own task and time management. I don't mind checking in with people when my bosses are out of town, but I wouldn't want to do it as part of my regular job. I can't bug people about their jobs. I can't be the nag. I can't write on the whiteboard what they're supposed to do. And I can't sit there and tell them it has to be done by Friday because, honestly, who am I? Unless I can fire them if it's not done, who am I? Their coworker, who is younger than most of them, that is trying to keep them on track? I'm fairly certain that at least two of them would feel extremely pissed off about me in that position, not jealous, necessarily, but angry that a person of my age and experience--which is still pretty limited if you measure it by time--was put into a position of this caliber.
    We're a small company, and I've known for a long time that they've wanted to put somebody else in a semi-supervisory position to free up my bosses' time. I've had a job for one year. All the experince I have, the majority has come during this one year. I just don't feel ready to do all the work that that new position would have required. I don't feel like I have the personality to manage that many people's tasks. I can manage myself, and maybe one other person who would be doing the same kind of work as me, but five additional people? Plus my own workload managing content? It was just too overwhelming.
    Don't get me wrong, I was flattered as hell, but intimidated more. I know how much confidence my bosses have in me, and while it's appreciated, I know that a job like that would not just put me close to a mental breakdown, it might actually CAUSE one. So, without mental health benefits, or general wellness benefits (anti-stress benefits, to be precise, massages and the like), I cannot sign on for a job where I have no idea what the workload or stress load is going to be, only that it will be more. I am already stressed and I already work hard. More seems like I might be setting myself up to fail at this point. And maybe in a few months, once I get my bearing with this new site, I might feel up to taking on a little more, but until then, I'd like to have some idea of what I'm getting into. And in the meantime, I'm very happy with what I'm doing now, and I look forward to taking on the new challenges within that particular aspect of my job.
    I did get a positive review, which I was very pleased about. In light of the fact that it was my one year review, I went out of my way to put together a list of all the major projects, tasks, and writing assignments I've completed over the past year. There were a lot. Even I was surprised. I have written so much, and completed a fair number of major projects as well, and it was kind of cool to see them all in one place, rather than spread out over so many weekly activity reports. It was sort of as a defense against any poor performance things that might have come up, though thankfully, none did.
    It's strange to think I've been at the same company, and to think about how far I've come from what I was doing this time last year to now, but it's cool. I've never had a job this long, and I'm looking forward to seeing what else I can accomplish in the next year.

Happy work birthday to me... Happy work birthday to me... :)

What are some of your accomplishments in the past year? Either work-related or in your personal life.

Do you have any goals for the next 12 months?

Tell me about it in the comments below.

One Door Opens and Another Shuts

  That good news came through! Apartment settled! Move in countdown: 5 days. Next time I post, I may be bitching about moving in. On the bright side, 80 percent of my stuff is still in boxes from moving out at the end of June, so that's all right. I am super excited. I've told pretty much everyone I know, and now the rest of the world, that I found an apartment. It's a pretty nice place, actually. Somewhere I could actually imagine staying for longer than one lease. The only thing that isn't as nice is the price. (As usual, I've found something to complain about. Bear with me.) The actual apartment is a decent price for the area I live in, but I have to pay all the utilities, for the first time ever (look how grown up that is!). Needless to say, I will be following all of the low-energy, efficiency rules to the letter, and then some. But, it has the primary requisites I had in mind--dishwasher, price range appropriate, and they'll let me have my cat, with additional rent (lame, but the majority of places around here are that way--fortunately, the pet fee/deposit on the place was already paid by a previous tenant, and because it's a sublet, it rolled over).
    I am so glad to be going back on my own. I am grateful to my mom for allowing me to live in the basement, again, while I looked for a place, but it's going to be really nice to have my own space and my own stuff, all in one place. The plan is to move the majority of my stuff to my new place, meaning a lot of the stuff that is still at my dad's place is going to come to the new apartment in addition to all the crap I have at my mom's now plus what's in storage. Reunification of everything.
    I never really minded having half my stuff in one place and half my stuff in another place, carrying bits of my life around with me as I traveled back and forth between the two. That was part of not wanting to grow up, I think. Keeping all my stuff in one place means I'm really responsible for all of it. It's my job to lock the doors, my job to pay all the bills, my job not to set the place on fire, and my job not to let the cat get outside.
    Minor subject shift: fall semester starts next week up here! I actually had a dream about being back in school last week. This is the first semester start in five years that I've not been fully aware of. I was in school for three and a half years, out for one year, and back in for half a year. Even during the year I was out of school, I was fully aware of going back to school later. Now, the prospect of school is gone for the near and foreseeable future, and while it's a little strange, it's good. I get to really try to do things my way, and maybe I'll fail, but maybe I won't. I'll do my best. Now I just have to get my budget back on track having to pay rent again.

Budgeting sucks. Especially after four hours of it.

Pros and Cons of Being a Grown-Up

I had a moment this morning, powering through my work and listening to my MP3 (No, I do not have an iPod, for a reason) when I felt very adult-like. Typing fast, jamming out to Suffragette City and Sunshine Highway, and being totally productive, something I'm mostly able to do now that I don't have to leave halfway through the day to go to school. It was awesome.
    While being a grown-up does suck on occasion: losing a significant amount of my paycheck to taxes, paying rent to apartment Nazis that shut off my water every other week, paying bills, the possibility of getting called for jury duty (yeah, good luck with that one--I've got so many addresses my name is connected to in the past five years!). I wish I could think of more grown-up responsibilities that didn't involve money, but unfortunately, it seems that my life does revolve around finances at the moment.
    There are some pluses to being an adult: I can legally purchase alcohol, I can pay for my own gas (that could be a negative, but for me, it's a pretty big responsibility), I can give money to charity and write it off on my taxes, I can rent an apartment, I can complain to the apartment managers and my complaint actually carries weight, and I can buy my own stuff. That may not seem like much, and much of it does still have to do with money, but being able to support yourself, even if it's rather frugally, is a pretty cool thing.
    I've been living off my parents for twenty-two years, and to be able to pay for my own movie tickets, take my parents out to dinner, buy my own groceries, and even cook some of my own meals. So, adulthood has some things going for it, and some things that are a pain in the ass. I do miss childhood though. I enjoyed high school. It was the only time in my life I really had friends. Almost all my friends are long-distance friends now.
    And I enjoyed life when I was little. My Barbies and stuffed animals, the Bailey School Kids books, R.L. Stine books, getting hooked on movies that weren't produced by Disney, learning to read and write, and learning I was pretty good at both. I think I'm still somewhere in between being a kid and being a grown-up. I only act grown-up around other grown-ups. On my own or with people I'm close to, I act like the crazy teenager I was a few years ago.
    As much as I enjoyed being a kid (though at the time, I couldn't grow up fast enough), I like being grown up too, at least 60 or 70 percent of the time. We may take on more responsibilities and have to deal with things way beyond our maturity level being older, but as long as we never lose our childish enthusiasm, we can stay young at heart. (Side note: I just quoted 2 movies and a song in one sentence. Which ones?)

Live long and prosper.

OK, OK, I Surrender!!

Got quite a lot of responsibility laid on me today. It's a little terrifying. On the one hand, I'm fairly confident that I can handle it. I'm responsible to a fault, if there is such a thing, and I feel like I am constantly taking it upon myself to memorize other people's schedules and remind them to do the stuff they need to do too. This is somewhat ironic as I seem to have a horrible memory sometimes. I have a thought and twenty seconds later, it's gone. Sometimes it comes back, and sometimes it doesn't. And yet, scheduling, time management, keeping track of other people, these things make sense to me and stick in my head. I'll remember your dentist appointment on Tuesday, but I can't remember what I wanted to ask you five seconds ago. Oh well. Can't win 'em all.
    However, I have been thinking a lot about these new responsibilities, and the prospect of acting like a productive member of society, being a grown-up, and it's starting to scare me again. I enjoy paying my bills (gasp!), and taking care of myself, even if I'm still not that great at it, but I am still 22 for another week, and some of these adult things and responsibilities seem beyond me. It's not because I am incapable of handling them at my tender age, but because I simply don't want them.
    I enjoy having a little bit of freedom, and I enjoy having a little more say over what I will and will not do. I know I can manage these new things that will soon be a part of my life and what I do, but I wish I could delay them for a while. I still feel like a kid in many ways, and while part of me wants the grown-up stuff so people will quit treating me like a kid, the other part of me wants to keep some of that childlike innocence and enthusiasm. You're only young once, and I don't feel like I've taken complete advantage of that ideal. Yet. I'm working on it.
    Maybe the fear of having to take on these new responsibilities is just a fear of change. I think everyone has a fear of change in some respect; probably because the familiar is already programmed into our brains and having to learn something new--a new routine, a new process, a new person--means more effort and more screw-ups while that learning gets programmed in.
    Yes, I am comparing us to machines by saying our brains require programming, but that is not to say that choice no longer exists. I made the choice to accept these responsibilities, so, for better or worse, I will dive into them head on. If they prove to be beyond my physical and mental capacity, or if they turn out be ill-fitting for the direction I see myself headed in, then we'll cross that bridge when we get to it. But in the meantime, it's Friday, the playoffs are on, and I get to sleep in tomorrow. I think a little congratulations are in order for surviving yet another week and coming out on the other side with my poor addled brain still intact and functional.

Cheers, na zdrowie, bottoms up, and salud.

Happy Weekend to One and All.