A (Lady) Bug's Life

  Standing in line at Qdoba for lunch, the four of us (my coworkers and I) noticed a ladybug crawling along the cracks in the tile, moving with the line. Apparently, it was a "fake" ladybug, something I didn't even know existed. Apparently, it was a ladybug imposter that looks just like a ladybug only darker. They eat the fruit or the vegetable, while true ladybugs eat the other bugs (aphids) that eat the fruit or vegetable. It occurred to me how evolutionarily advantageous this was. (I actually articulated this, and didn't stumble over the word "evolutionarily".) We watched for a painstaking, horrifying 5 minutes as the ladybug imposter inched closer and closer to the front of the line.
    There was a man at the counter who was shifting his weight and moving his feet around. We avoided the little bugger, but as the bug got closer to the counter (and past his place in line, I might add), it became alarmingly clear that he was probably going to get stepped on, and what's more, it would be the weight-shifting yakker ahead of us who would unknowingly do the deed. And sure enough, ladybug imposter gets closer, closer, and then, weight-shifter shifts again and... SMUSH.
    We had a brief psychological/philosophical discussion about the bug still being alive after getting stepped on, the size of its brain, and whether it was able to feel pain. My inclination was no. The bug may not have died on impact, but what little brains it has surely can't register pain anymore, I thought. Its head is probably the most vulnerable part, and would have probably been crushed more than its back when stepped on. Any life left in it would be reflexes, not neurological commands. I didn't want to get into it, and as we were at the place in line where we could order finally, I didn't have to.
    But, how did the little ladybug imposter get inside the Qdoba? Did he walk, as we saw him doing? Did he fly through the door as it opened? Or did he land on some unsuspecting burrito lover who carried him in? How did he reach his eventual demise? We'll never know, but that's why there are people like me. To imagine a plot in which a ladybug imposter finds himself on the floor at Qdoba.

Ladybug imposter? Bah, humbug.

Go Viral

  So, I had a computer virus on my trusty laptop last night. Another Trojan Horse, as usual. But since I hadn't had a computer virus in about two and a half years, I was quite panicked. This one was extremely malicious, as it knocked out Avast! and shut it down completely. After logging into Windows (Yes, I'm a PC), my entire screen was black except for a small pop-up window in the center that said something like: "An unauthorized change has been made to Windows limiting its functionality." Yeah, a virus snuck around my firewall. And then I was left with two options: Learn more online, or Close. Understand, dear readers, I had no desktop, taskbar or anything, none of my programs would open using shortcut keys, and yet, amazingly enough, my computer was connected to the Internet.
    I quickly discovered if I clicked Close that the virus kicked me back to my start-up screen asking me to log into Windows again, returning me to the same black screen with the same pop-up. Clicking Learn more online opened my web browser and took me to an interesting URL trying to upsell me on Windows 7. It almost looked like a legitimate webpage, but the graphics were a little off, the functionality was suspicious, and when the URL opened, it appeared that it had redirected from another funky URL that was much longer. I managed to get through to Microsoft tech support via chat (after managing to contact what I assume was a malicious chat person who asked to remotely log into my computer), and they helped me install new virus protection software, which was able to catch the virus and remove it.
    I rather enjoy live chat. They may not be from around here, but if they know what they're doing and can help me, I got nothing against them. I then updated my security measures on my computer, compulsively, trying to make them even harder to break through than before. And what gets me is I don't shop online. These guys attacked a computer and failed miserably because they can't even steal any financial info from me. So put that in your pipe and smoke it, Trojan Horse creating dickheads.
    Reminder to all: use a password for EVERYTHING. Don't use the same one for them all either. And make them challenging. Numbers, capitals, characters (when allowed) are all good. Definitely don't use passwords that can be guessed at by looking at other stuff on your computer. And always have more than one virus protection software on your computer. Avast! failed me for the first time in two years. Try another one, or two, on top of it and together, you'll have a better chance of preventing serious damage.

Can't touch this. Hackers :P