Getting Back on the Horse

  It's been a rough week. Not only am I behind where I expected to be on my editing, but I'm getting that itch to write again, and it's really difficult to choose to finish editing one book instead of jumping into writing another one. As much as I enjoy editing most of the time, I am a storyteller at heart, and I still prefer to write.
   Aside from that, I've been dealing with some other stuff at home. I keep looking over my finances trying to figure out if I have the money to be able to move out any time soon. Unfortunately, I think I'm about $250 short on monthly income to be able to do that comfortably.
    I was feeling sick for a while there too, and it gave me an excuse to put a few things on the back burner, including the blogs.
    The biggest hit came last week. My relationship ended just shy of my 7 year anniversary. It threw a major wrench into my motivation, and most of the weekend was spent in pajamas with plenty of Netflix, Ally McBeal, and sugary food.
    Somehow, in spite of my sugar jones, I managed to stick to my calorie counting and I'm down 10 pounds since the New Year when I first started, which is amazing to me. I haven't been at this weight since high school and it's kind of incredible to think that I finally succeeded in coming this far.
    I didn't really want to talk about the split because I think it hasn't completely hit me. Much of the time we were together was spent communicating long-distance, so I'm used to not seeing him that often. I think what I felt above all was confusion: I didn't see it coming, and that was probably what caused the biggest shock and hurt. Every relationship has obstacles, but we've come so far over the past few years and we've worked through so many things in that time that I expected to be able to continue working through it.
    On the one hand, there's a part of me that would love to vilify him and shout it from the rooftops what a horrible, cowardly, lying two-faced a-hole he is, but I still haven't processed it and made up my mind about how I feel about it yet, so I don't want to be the petty or vengeful one. I would like to think I'm better than that, no matter how much pain it caused me.
    You should know this is a big improvement from how I felt Friday (when it happened). I was ready to sue for emotional damages--seriously. I wasn't expecting to get more than a couple video game consoles out it, but it seemed like a plausible idea at the time.
    At first, I had every intention of trying to stay friends. It seemed like such a strange idea to sever ties completely after 7 years, but the more I think about what happened, what he said and how it ended, I'm not sure I want to stay in touch. The worst part is that if we don't see each other anymore, I won't get to see his family either, whom I consider good people and good friends. I'm sure I'd still be welcome there, but I also feel like I might be looked at differently. Not as a villain or anything, but maybe a bit pathetic and or pitiful.

    As of now, several days later, I don't feel incredibly upset or angry, but I'm still a little confused and still a little unsure about things. I'm trying to take it one hour, sometimes one minute, at a time, and that's been helpful for me. It hasn't helped me get anything done, but it has kept me from losing my shit for the most part.
    I think overall, I feel hopeful. There were a lot of things that didn't always make sense in that relationship, things that fall into the "opposites attract" category. Now, I'm trying to focus on the future, on the possibilities, and to stay hopeful that I will find my way to better things. Career-wise and relationship-wise.

Some days are diamonds, some days are rocks.

-Tom Petty

Down with the Internet?

What would we do without the Internet? 

    Seriously. We get our news, check our email, update our Facebook statuses, look at our horoscopes, find recipes, play video games, chat, search for that song we have stuck in our heads, and a gajillion other things every single day.
    We can even get the web on our cell phones now so we don't have to be away from the Internet while we work or attend school or anything. It's a love affair that's grown to the point of obsession for many. I admit, I don't think I would go very long without it. If I didn't have it at home, I'd be at the library or a computer lab on campus to check in with the many sites I feel obligated to visit daily, or at least weekly.
    If anyone saw the news this week (and it was kind of hard to avoid) about the Internet getting completely shut down in Egypt, your heart should have skipped a beat once the terrifying thought occurred of something like that happening here. Of course, the US is a much larger country than Egypt, and we have more Internet companies and ways to connect than they do, it still is a scary thought for many of us.
    Perhaps people would learn to love their televisions again, without the comforts of streaming Netflix or Hulu or today's headlines on CNN. But as there was in Egypt, I think there would be mass chaos, confusion, and uprising. Give us healthcare, that's one thing. Take away our Internet, we're gonna have words. Something like the loss of the Internet would cause a larger panic and full-on riot than any Stanley Cup playoffs, Super Bowl games, or even, I think, financial crisis could cause.
    We, as Americans, have grown used to instant gratification, and the loss of the greatest resource to achieve that end would create unprecedented amounts of upheaval.
    So, here it comes: are we too attached to this thing that didn't even exist 20 or 30 years ago? There was no Internet, nor did the average household even have a computer in it when I was born 23 years ago. We could get into the cell phone thing as well while we're at it, but I think the American population as a whole would be more distraught over the loss of the Internet than over the loss of cell phones. This is for the simple facts that if we lost phones and still had the Net, we could still Skype and IM and email. And, there would still be landlines in this scenario. But, I digress (which I knew was going to happen even though I really didn't want it to).
    I know that I, for one, am way too attached to the Internet. I check my email upwards of 10 times a day (that's 10 times or more PER ACCOUNT each day); I check the sports stats and scores; I look up words and search for people and places; I read article after article, blog after blog; I check my Facebook religiously too, even though there usually isn't much new content on mine.
    Let's examine this word with regard to Internet usage: religious. Is the Internet the new religion for the 21st century, at least in this country? I don't mean religion in the sense of it being a god, so don't jump down my throat yet. I mean religion in the sense of the Internet being something that we look to for guidance, for information, on not only how to lead our lives, but as a way to actually lead our lives. There are people who become their online identities and spend so much time online that they do not exist in the "real world" except to eat, drink, and otherwise keep their bodies alive and functioning. Now, I'm not saying everyone does this, or even that everyone wants to spend all their time online, but with the Internet available to us, 24 hours a day, every day--literally in the palms of our hands--it has attained the kind of status that an icon, relic, or talisman has. It's something we have to have, not just want to, but have to have, all the time, whenever we might need it.
    And there's no escaping it. You use it at work, you use it for school, you use for so many daily tasks that you used to be able to do or look for elsewhere--in books, from neighbors or friends, even on that not-so-distant relative, the television. While it doesn't look like we'll be losing our Internet connection any time soon, it might be a good idea to take a little break. Just to see how long you can go without it. See if you can really get through your day. I'll see if I can get through mine.
    One last thing, dear readers: it's a pretty safe assumption that should you accomplish this, the sky will not fall, the stars will not fade, and life will go on mostly as it has before.

Food for thought.