Sunday, January 23, 2011

The First Day of the Rest of... This Week

People throw around that saying: "The first day of the rest of your life," and expect you to take it to heart.
    In fact, that phrase is pretty terrifying. Because you're always going to be wondering, what am I doing right now that is contributing to society? Or worse, what am I NOT doing?

  • Is reading this blog worth my time? 
  • Is watching videos on YouTube or trolling Facebook for hours on end worth my time? 
  • Is it helping anyone? 
  • Is it helping me? 

    Trying to point your life in a good direction is no easy task, and I can't say I've mastered that process either. For starters, I just finished my first week of graduate school. This topic is supposed to be in line with this 'first day of the rest of my life' philosophy. Going to school--again--to be able to begin a career in something later on is what the original idea behind this choice was. But I've been out of school for a year, and out of work for most of that year, and while I was excited to get back to school at first--back to something I'm good at (this is before classes actually started), now that I'm back, actually going to class, taking notes, talking to professors and other students again, I somehow feel like I'm moving backwards. Or moving towards something that it suddenly occurs to me I'm not sure I want to be heading towards.
    The classes are challenging, sure--hey, it's grad school. But it's not the homework or the thinking that scares me. I love going to class and learning and thinking, making some small effort to broaden my horizons. What scares me is this: is this [grad school] going to help me do what I want to do for the rest of my life?
    And sadly, the answer is no.
I, the Constant Writer, would like to do just that--write, and make a living at it, for the rest of my life. But, dear readers (if anyone bothers to read this, that is), I'm sure you know as well as I do, your dream job--and mine especially--isn't always easy to come by.
An early life crisis--to say the least. 
    It's only the first week, after all. Maybe grad school won't turn out to be so terrifying after all. Maybe I'm headed in exactly the direction I'm meant to go. But, I'm sure if you continue to check in with me, I will always constantly and inevitably question everything: myself, the world, and many, unfortunately too many, of the people in it.
All for now. Off to a start. Perhaps a crawl. But that's fine by me. 

+Constant Writer

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