Drawing A Line In The Sand

  I use movies as an emotional crutch occasionally. A really bad mood can all turn around with a good movie. An average humdrum day can become memorable after seeing an excellent movie. You can be this close to tearing your eyes out, and then you see a hilarious comedy and you forget what you were pissed off at in the first place. But movies can have an effect on you that is not for the better. You watch too many chick flicks and you might start to believe that relationships work like that in real life. You see too many action movies, you're liable to accidentally karate chop your boss one day while doing a demonstration. You sit through too many suspense or horror movies, every noise in the night, every innocent sound around you, will turn into something sinister. This isn't a guaranteed consequence, but it can happen, and does. It just depends on how much you suspend your disbelief when you watch films, and how long it takes you to un-suspend it after the movie's over.
    I will leave the lights on when I go to bed after I see a movie that really scared me. I will seriously contemplate taking up kung fu or jujitsu after seeing a great action movie, though I give up on the idea after a few days. And I will believe in fairy tale romance after a real tear-jerking girlie movie.
    It's a just a movie, we remember, after the effects wear off. Stuff like that doesn't really happen. But the dreamer in us tries to convince us otherwise. Wouldn't life be great if that could happen? Wouldn't things be easier if I knew how to do this? Wouldn't the world be a better place if things worked that way? We are seduced by the possibilities that what if puts forth. To the point that we think we probably could do the things they do in the movies, without wires, and we probably could be attacked by aliens sometime this week, and the guy will remember your anniversary and play that song from the John Hughes movie you loved when you were a teenager.
    But just because we'd like to believe that stuff like that actually can happen doesn't mean we should. We can draw that line between fantasy that movies create, and reality that prevents those things from really happening. We just have to remember that gravity does exist, demons do not, and while true love may exist, the perfect partner does not. Everyone has their flaws and if you love them, you will love them in spite of those flaws.
As enjoyable as it is to lose yourself in a fantasy for a couple hours at a movie, when the movie's over, we have to remember to unplug our brains and come back to reality. Failure to do so can cause serious problems. Usually interpersonal problems rather than psychological or physical, but serious nonetheless.
    People skills succeed or fail based on our ability to evaluate, communicate and understand the people around us. If our expectations of others are unrealistic, whether we think they're a Russian spy or Prince Charming, our ability to live in the world as we know it will fail because we have failed to accurately and effectively evaluate and communicate with the people we interact with on a daily basis.

Back to reality.

If X=Praying Mantis, What Is Y?

Sorry for the cryptic title. I thought it was catchy. What do you do when you have an ex that refuses to let you move on? I know I don't usually talk about dating or relationships really, but it's the only interesting subject I have at the moment, so bear with me. I don't really have any "exes", per se, and most of the ones out there that could possibly fit that description are still friends of mine, so the topic today isn't from personal experience. It's about someone else's experience. While I don't know all the details, since I'm not quite a confidante, I think I can get the gist of it explained here.
    So there's an ex, who seems positively hell bent on reconnecting--not necessarily in a romantic manner, but possibly. However, the person with the ex, A, doesn't really want to reconnect. Not because of any character flaws or extreme pain or resentment that's still bubbling under the surface, mainly just that A is over the ex, who shall heretofore be known as--aptly--X. A has simply moved on.
    But how does A explain to X that A doesn't have any interest in "reconnecting"? X is persistent. X wants to spend time with A. Furthermore, A has tried several methods of showing X that A wants nothing to do with X anymore. A has not returned X's phone calls or text messages on several occasions. A has turned down suggested meetings with X several times. And, rather unfortunately I think, A has acted extremely, and perhaps excessively, mean, rude, and unkind toward X in several instances. While I disapprove of this uncouth behavior, I marvel at the fact that X has not yet taken the hint.
   Why do some people, like X, seem to sit back and take the abuse, thinking they must try harder to win someone's affections back? Why, rather than stopping and saying: this is SO not worth it, and telling that someone to put their shit attitude where the sun don't shine? Why do people like X keep at it, never giving in even when it appears that things will only end badly? (On a side note, this is a particularly interesting case study in human behavior. I thought stuff like this only happened in the movies.)
    Perhaps I can answer this question. Although I was never in such a situation when someone treated me horribly and I decided to give up on them, I have been in situations where it is quite clear that the person has no interest in anything beyond friendship, and yet I persisted. I'm stubborn that way, I guess. Sometimes, the person you're pursuing is so great--or at least your obsession has led you to believe that--that you can't let go. You can't stop trying. You can't move on. That may be what's happening here. X is under the impression that A is so great--and knowing A myself, X may have a point--that X cannot give up on A, no matter how badly A behaves.
    In spite of all this, I can't help but condemn X. If someone is treating you like shit, consistently, it seems completely absurd to continue trying to be their friend or get them to like you. Even though A liked X once upon a time, that is no longer the case. I can't believe X doesn't see that to some degree.
    A has decided, according to my most recent knowledge, to tell X that there is something horribly wrong with A, so horrible that A hopes X will decide to back off. I think this is a mistake. Not only is A lying, again, but if X is as persistent as it seems, it probably isn't going to make much difference in achieving A's end--the end being getting X to stop pursuing A.
    What A needs to do to accomplish this is to tell X the truth. What a concept! So simple, and yet, so frighteningly difficult. To really drive the point home, A ought to tell X that A has no interest in seeing X anymore. While A and X shared something once, A has moved on, and A would like X to respect that by not calling, texting, or asking to see A anymore. That kind of talk isn't easy to have with someone. I think most of us avoid it, like the plague. But sometimes, with some people, it is necessary.
    Now, wouldn't it have been so much simpler if I had used pronouns to tell this story? But, for anonymity's sake, I did my best to preserve it completely. While I hope that A will muster the courage to tell X the truth about how A feels about this situation, I have a feeling this drama might continue for a while.
     So, I get to sit back and watch this live soap opera unfold before my eyes, hoping that our protagonist will do the right thing. In the meantime, consider this: exes are like ghosts. Unless you straight up tell them to bugger off, they may haunt you indefinitely.

No means no.